I look at my M life for the past 2 yrs and i see it was comprised of one level of deception after the other, I'm on another level of the proverbial heck righ now. I had already made peace w/the fact that H would do whatever he wanted to do and i was powerless to do anything and to let him be. Lo and behold a coworker calls me looking for him, turns out they can't get a hold of him, the guy is part of H's grad group (along w/the guy who is "renting" him a room". He tells me H took emergency leave (H told me that work was fine during the weekend) and that they dont' have a # for him, supposedly his phone is still lost but now I highly doubt it, it's been over a week, no way he's without a phone this long. I ask if they have contacted Xxx (guy who "rented a room") and the coworker says yeas, Xx doens' know where H is. Well, that means he isn't living /w him, that the $ is prob going elsewhere (H never took any furniture saying his coworker had a sofa bed/dresser and was using 1 bowl). I already decided that if he goes back to ow and is living w/her then it'd be on him, that I'd let him go. But I will have to hold him accountable for the $ he took, I even borrowed from my sister for the so called rent money. There is a small snowball chance in hell he has a good explanation why his room mate hasnt' heard from him (they didnt' say how long they've been looking for him) but, SIGH who knows what's true anymore.
We met today for donuts w/the kids, it took me longer to drive there than for him to mingle w/kids, it must've been 15min tops, he hasnt' talked to kids since Wednesday, but he left immediatly. I know I can survive, my heart aches for my kids, he is loosing himself and doesn't realize he's also dragging the kids down with him, they will always look up to him as their father.
The Lord is holding me up, dont' know what I'll tomorrow but I pray for wisdom, I pray for God to keep sustaining me and I firmly belive he wont' let me faint and will strenghted me, apparently my trials are nowhere near calming down.
Be not afraid...I will repay you for the years the locusts have eaten Joel2
30something 2kids survivor of S, MLC, A, D I have peace in my heart, at last.
