Finding my way out of the dark

[mishka422]

I really am trying to let go it's just so darned hard. I have never ever been alone in my life and this is just about killing me. I was so sick yesterday too that it made me extremely weak and vulnerable so my thinking wasn't very clear.

I know that what I want is irrelevant to him. I guess that telling him I miss him isn't so bad. I didn't say I love you even though I wanted to more than anything.

It's hard for me to let go when he keeps asking me if he can do things for me. I wonder if his "acts of service" (as my therapist calls them) are his way of keeping me ingratiated to him or if they are his way of staying in touch without really being part of our family. I just don't know. He's been so manipulative that it's really hard to judge.

The nights get harder all the time instead of easier. Why is that?