I do know this, but it's awfully hard to watch him fall for a 21 yr. old ho who has "Daddy" issues and sees dollar signs. Why can't he see her neediness, her manipulation?
Oh, I would be willing to bet that someday he will. Now, if he admits it or not, that's another thing. By the way, where the hell are her parents in this??? Wait, let me guess- not in the picture? Is this where the daddy issue is coming from? Nevermind...don't answer that. This thread is about us fabulous chicks, and we won't waste our time wondering, K?
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I don't want to make it TOO easy for him to just walk away and wash his hands of us and his responsibility to his kids.
The way I look at it is this: If he is going to walk away from his responsibility, he will regardless of what you are doing or not doing. The best thing that will happen is that you will actually facilitate time for him and the kids. And, isn't that what is best for the kids in the long run? Meredith can vouch for me here, I had the hardest time with my H coming and going as he pleased. I wanted to put a stop to his Monday night TV night with my son. Why? Because it wasn't fair that I had to bend over backwards and accomodate him! But, I talked to my son about it. He said, "mom, I really like to have that night with dad, in my own house." So, I made it happen. Hell, I even made snacks for them to enjoy. And, I learned to look at in terms not of making it easier for my H, but instead of making my son happy.
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I know he's not really interested in that right now, and probably doesn't have the emotional maturity to really consider those subjects right now, but does that mean I let him completely weasel out of all thought about it?
What good will come of demands at this point? You cannot turn him into something he is not. What you can do is control YOU and YOUR relationship with your children. By doing so, you are modeling the proper behavior. That is about all you can do at this point.
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My response to that has been (and his parents have backed me up on this), "Your parents are getting too old and their health is getting too precarious for us to be able to count on them as our child care service. What else do you propose?"
Is this wrong? I really don't know.
It is never wrong to ask for input. Just do it in a nice way. And be prepared for a non answer or one that will piss you off!
Your Christmas story was painful to read. I am so sorry you had to go through that. Wow. He is a real mess.
