BA! Thank you so much for visiting. I would be *delighted* to bike with you sometime!! Do you want to meet me in Atlanta? I can GUARANTEE that you will be wayyyyyyyy faster than me, because I am on a big ol hybrid, and you are on a slick and speedy road bike ! You will leave me in the dust!
A cooking class sounds like such a good idea! Baking honestly is tricky for me. I'm more into cooking because there is more margin for error. But baking or cooking has to be one of the most immediately gratifying things to do ... so little wait to make something new, delicious, sustaining. I can feel so accomplished.
Thank you SO much... your words make me feel so happy! I am so relieved to hear that you made it through your lowest low. you had me worried there for a little while.... But sometimes I think you have to have a breakdown before you can have a breakthrough. So many times I will try to keep myself from falling apart but then once I let myself do that, things actually fall into place inside instead of falling apart. It is like Mars and Venus and women hitting the bottom of the well.
Strength and focus??!! You should have seen me the first 1-2 months after the bomb before I started posting. I was a mess. I kept doing everything I needed to be doing, somehow, but I was a total mess. And I still have low low low moments, days, weeks, too. We are both having that experience. So if you feel like a mess.... remember I did too... your strength and focus are inside, just waiting to come out.
Let me know if you want any muffin recipies! The ones I've been using are all from Mollie Katzen's "Sunlight Cafe" and they are all *healthy and delicious*. Might be a good cookbook to inspire you with the three meals a day goal... she makes breakfast SO tantalizing!
Oh my gosh Lisa! I love it when you visit my thread!! I am feeling much stronger this week. It is funny, I think I have shut out my friends a little bit because I was afraid I was overloading them with the R talk. But once I reached out... it really filled my heart... and to be able to help them too!
I am so happy to have you visit my thread. I'm glad that analogy helped! I think it's interesting that I wasn't able to touch base with those friends until just this week. Maybe this was just the right moment for me to hear their experiences and get that information. I feel really lucky that my friends are so wise and loving and willing to share their experiences...
Yes!! Biking to the grocery store!! Wow, you walk 500 m with your groceries? Do you have massively sexy arm muscles??!! I just got a milk crate and attached it to the back of my rack with zip ties. I fantasize about upgrading to an xtracycle, but it's kind of expensive... maybe later!! But it's a bike where you can put another person on the back, or a cello, surfboard, cart full of groceries (http://www.xtracycle.com)
I found the information you sent me SO helpful. I think it helped me understand my B better, and also I thought was interesting how my chart brought up my relationship with my Mom. I think that is something I am going to percolate on. In terms of a timescale, especially with the latest info from my friends who are current and former WAs, I think spring break is too soon. If I don't hear from him after the 6 month mark then I will start reaching out with small thoughtful gestures. But I think I had a couple big realizations last week that I don't need to control everything. I don't need to plan everything for it to work out. I can just trust and listen to my intuition. *And* if I need guidance to find an especially fortuitous day to reach out, I can consult the dates you sent!
It's funny... when I was in Bali, they have a special cyclical calendar with fortuitous and unfortuitous days to do *everything*. My Balinese dance teacher asked me to go to the temple with her and then pulled out a calendar and started talking about which days were good for that. So even though I'm not familiar with astrology, the idea of alignment makes sense to me.
I am SO HAPPY to hear about everything good that has been happening to you!! (((((ALI))))) TRANSFORMER
Have been feeling sort of queasy for three days (despite the muffin making) so I decided to take it a little easy today. But, good things are still happening:
-Went to counseling and talked about my conversation with my friend, where I attempted to re-open our connection. My C told me that I avoid conflict and that I also bottle up my emotions. It is really funny to me because I talk to people about how i am feeling all the time, but I am realizing those are more my thoughts about how I am feeling than actually sharing my feeling. My C asked me, if I called B today, and told him completely uncensored how I was feeling, what would I say? It was surprisingly hard to do this. When I started bringing up a concept instead of a feeling, my C would stop me. It did open up some sadness inside, but I was surprised. I think I've told you guys that I've been afraid to let myself feel the sadness because then I would lose my resolve to continue. But when I felt this sadness this morning, it was just sadness. Nothing discouraging about it.
At the end of the session he said, No homework this week! And then he told me that I've been working too hard???? Not sure what that means.
-Skipped a class to rest and go on a bike ride b/c I felt queasy
-Had a great orchestra rehearsal, with so much energy, because I hadn't already been at school all day long. We are doing "la mer" and it is SO BEAUTIFUL!!! For some reason the music makes more sense to me than anything else we've ever done, even though it is pretty wild and tumultuous.
H & I, both 32, together since 18. *M 7/03, A since 9/06. Bomb 7/07, H ended it w/ OW 9/08 * Agreed to D 6/09...very hard *D 8/10 * At peace, have become great friends w/ X-H and his new GF
Last night I had a really nice dream about B... we were sitting in a theater watching some kind of performance and he was really snuggly and excited to see me and kept holding my hand. I tried to glean some kind of deeper meaning but the details were kind of fuzzy...
-Had a really good coaching today with one of my ensembles.
-Spreading joy with muffins... 3rd batch of the cherry ricotta.
-I'm thinking about going to san francisco for the first week of march for my spring break. I have three friends who are living there now, which is more than enough to justify a ticket!!
-Saw the eclipse out of the corner of my eye while biking!
-Practiced at school until kind of late. Everyone was getting kind of zany, and one of the other cellists invented a "double stuff oreo hug" which is a group hug consisting of two people wedged in the middle. I am so lucky for my cello community!
Feeling kind of exhausted and nauseas otherwise... not exactly sure what is going on with that!
OH!! Today's nugget of yoga wisdom, from last night's yoga class: "You cannot see clearly your own true nature when you are out of whack."
I think this fully applies to both the WAS and the LBS!!
I just wanted to say a quick hello and let you know that I'm taking your suggestion and have ordered the Living in the Light (I think that's what it's called) book. I also will try using the yoga website a couple of times a week (I love Yoga).
The dream about B sounds really nice- and like a wonderful sign!
Originally Posted By: transformer
-Spreading joy with muffins... 3rd batch of the cherry ricotta
Ummmm....can I get the recipe? I feel hungry every time I read your thread, and could do with replacing some of the weight I lost on the DB diet!
Sounds like things are going well! I have a top tip for dealing with nausea; lemon and ginger tea- very settling and soothing.... (and would surely complement muffins!)
(((T))))
Walk on, walk on, with hope in your heart. And you'll never walk alone.
I can GUARANTEE that you will be wayyyyyyyy faster than me, because I am on a big ol hybrid, and you are on a slick and speedy road bike ! You will leave me in the dust!
(despite the muffin making) so I decided to take it a little easy today. But, good things are still happening: