Now that I have made A CONSIOUS descion....oh yeah it has been REALLY HARD. looking for emails - hoping he will call etc etc and WANTING to touch base with him. I KNOW what it is I RECOGNIZE it. IT IS ME reaching again ---- and I AM NOT DOING it this time. It doesn't serve me well at all.
We've all been there. I know that I practically wore the buttons off my phone checking for texts or messages that were not there. And, in that state of mind, if we did end up talking I was sad and mopey because he just wasn't saying what I wanted him to say! I just couldn't get it through my head that these talks that I wanted so badly to happen were not helping, at all.
I love your dialogue with your thoughts. You are so right, they do need to leave.
Cagzmom- I have been through hell with my H. The worst of it is when he decided that he didn't love me, probably never did. (His exact words) Ugh. That hurt more than anything.
3 looooooong years later, here we are in a totally different place. The ONLY way this came about was letting go. Meredith told me this ages ago, but it had to happen on my own time, just like it will happen in yours. Don't be hard on yourself. You will slip up here and there, but it will get better in time. Eventually you will love yourself so much you will wonder if he is even worth your time!
Oh, and the guy who never loved me? Well, today we were IMing (his idea for us to be able to chat throughout the day). I didn't realize it, but after I responded to him I got logged off and he wasn't able to keep the conversation going. I figured he got busy with work and didn't think anything of it.
Later on he called. He said, "what happened to you?" He said something about responding to my statement and it saying that I was logged off. I jokingly said, "oh man, who was I talking to, then?" (It was kind of a steamy convo). He said, "I hope there's not some other guy out there in love with you, too."
Hmmmmm.....
I acted like I didn't hear it. I just kept talking. But I am tucking that away.
No, I am not promising that letting go will result in getting your H back. Heck, I can't even say it for myself. The thing is, in letting go I have been able to handle these things much better. The old me couldn't have tucked anything away. The old me would have found a way to work it into the next conversation that he hinted that he loved me. (Yeah, that's real attractive...)
The new me is patient. What will happen will happen. Either way, it won't make or break me.
I am so happy for you that you have a relationship with your mom. I don't talk to family members about my situation. No way.
