UD im sorry for your sister and her son nothing could be worse than watching your child suffer that way Yes that definitely gives perspective on our sitch its friday see what this weekend brings I am praying to be less involved emotionally and more accepting of my H choice to leave to allow him space with no underlying motives of him returning today no expectations peace
married 14 years H 42 bomb 2/07 IDLYA D final 3 /09 M ow D ow
peace- It sounds like you are getting more detached and relaxing a bit. That is so good. You are putting more focus on the positives in your life and how can you go wrong with that? Let your H go for now. You need to be happy and be strong. I believe yout H will eventually see you for the extraordinary person you have become and realize how he has screwed up his life. So, don't be afraid to live your life because I believe if you do, it will only help you and your kids and possibly your H and your M.
I hope you have a good weekend. I hope we get a chance to talk this weekend.
Hi H here tonight came late he and wanted to take kids out I asked if they could stay and He might settle them into bed(I was going out anyway) he took them out its like he cant sit still with them looks tired again and always he justs works too much and too hard If only he would have put 1/10 in himself or our M of what he puts into work anyway no talks tonight I net this woman around the corner who H left 3 years ago he was 32 H went NC for 3 years all of a sudden he resurrected He wants to see kids started paying He has an OW now hes filing want D to be with OW it was good to have another LBS in neighborhood three years later, she is doing good on her own that is hopeful and im starting to really feel it I am ok on my own I like my time and I get to spend it the way I want I look and think about H and I cant believe how he could just walk out never considering me or the kids I am losing respect for him more I still want M but I wonder even if he returned if I could handle it especially with all the damage he odes and continues to do like a tornado that blew thru town the walking dead peace
married 14 years H 42 bomb 2/07 IDLYA D final 3 /09 M ow D ow
I am ok on my own I like my time and I get to spend it the way I want
It is good that you have reached this point. It sure beats being on that emotional rollercoaster we were on for so long and now you know you will be fine whether your H returns or not.
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I look and think about H and I cant believe how he could just walk out never considering me or the kids I am losing respect for him more I still want M but I wonder even if he returned if I could handle it especially with all the damage he odes and continues to do like a tornado that blew thru town the walking dead
I know exactly how you feel, but we can't lose our compassion. Sometimes it is so hard to remember what they are dealing with. I am not sure we can fully comprehend what they have going through their heads. So, find that compassion and let everything else go.
Have you thought about anything you can do to be solution-oriented? I have tried to come up with a few things but it all leads me back to feeling like I am pushing somehow...and also it takes my focus off of me. Just wondering what your thoughts are on it.
Thanks for forwarding the Charlyne Cares email to me. My H was raised Catholic (has not been practicing all of his adult life) and I had no religious upbringing to speak of. I do believe in God and I do pray but I have never found a church where I feel like I belong. I read so much here about how God can play a huge role in the return of someone in crisis and then I wonder if there is really any hope for my M since my H and I really aren't as religious as we should be. I know I can change that for myself (and I would love to find a church where I felt like I belonged) but I have my doubts that my H will ever become more religious or spirtual. I sometimes wonder if God is putting me through this to bring me closer to him.
I hope you are enjoying your weekend. Call me if you want to talk.
UD Hi I think the God connection is so important H is here now he seems normal again a little smalltalk..nothing new of course He brought the kids candy- I hate that all his bad habits he is passing on to them I hate to even think about what kind of messages he is passing to them where is w8ing and SH? miss them I am going out I will check up om everyone later peace
married 14 years H 42 bomb 2/07 IDLYA D final 3 /09 M ow D ow
I'm here. Lurking occasionally - mostly just checking up on you and UD. Reading too much keeps me too attached to H and what's going on (or rather, not going on in my R with him).
You sound like you're heading in the right direction. Keep on focusing on yourself. Worry about a R with your H if/when he ever becomes someone you're attracted to again. At least that's what I'm doing and it's working for me so far.
I'll post an update on my thread so I don't threadjack.
(((((SH))))) Missed you! I will post to you on your thread
All here is well H here again better day for me more detached I need to fund away to forgive him as I am still angry inside at Him I know I want to stand longer I know it is right for me I am not capable of another R now so I will not file I never know what H is thinking but he seems as if he hasnt moved since last year april since I started DB and intirally R seemed better but never progressed Its only b/c I feel strongly he is in MLC that I stand I feel good about it Just have to gal more and move on in other ways that dont invove any R with men any ideas about forgiveness? how to get there? peace
married 14 years H 42 bomb 2/07 IDLYA D final 3 /09 M ow D ow
Hi peace- I am glad that yesterday went well for you. Were you able to keep up your PMA in front of your H? Your H needs to feel like what he does has no effect on you. That is so much easier said than done especailly if you are still angry. I keep thinking that the anger is gone and then I have weekends like this last one and I just lose it. I wonder if that really means I haven't let go of the anger or do I just temporarily lose my compassion. Anyway, if we just keep moving forward and things will become clearer to us.
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I never know what H is thinking but he seems as if he hasnt moved since last year april since I started DB and intirally R seemed better but never progressed
We can only imagine the mixture of emotions swirling around in an MLCers brain. I think many times the R is better just post bomb because there is still a lot of attachment. I am sure that your H is thinking and from what he tells your D, he sounds like he is still trying to convince himself he is doing the right thing. You are learning to enjoy your life the way it is now and you aren't going to rush into a new R so just sit back and see happens with your H. Can you look at it as kind of a science experiment???
It was great to talk to you this weekend. Thank you so much for your support...this so hard sometimes and it truly helps to have others around that know what you are experiencing. I am going to look up that website as soon as I get a minute.
Your kids are out of school today right? Do you have anything fun planned with them?
PH Thanks for the book I really appreciate the other book you suggested as I really liked it and I now receive daily messages from charlyne cares the minisrt is here where I live and I can go to there weekely standers meeting when I get a babysitter UD You too! thanks for being there D12 sick today very sick fever scary and lung infection bad! I told H and asked if he would bring soup he said yes and seemed pleasant so when we spoke again later I mentioned I would go to store to get medicine for D12 when he comes he blew up "IM not coming and waiting for you to go to store Im going to gym ask a neighbor to sit with her I said a thing myself (not DB) but I called him back and apoligized for my part I havwe to learn to expect Nothing he brought the soup that is all he can do even in our M -H was so limited in what he could give besides finances he never has like me to ask anything of him he gives limited emotional support sorry fo D12 she can barely breath and he rushes in drops soiup and leaves like what would be more important to you if you 12 year old was sick as ever..youd be rushing to gym too right? this stuff makes me hate him peace
married 14 years H 42 bomb 2/07 IDLYA D final 3 /09 M ow D ow
