So, I take it you're suggesting just letting her do her thing for a while and trying to avoid getting overly involved in anything that is going on with her?
I think most people want what that can't have too easily. You have been there at her beck and call. You need to GAL and be a lot less available. Don't tell her everything that you do. If she asks questions like you said she did when you first tried the LRT, don't lie but just don't tell everything in detail. If you dress up and go walking around the mall or drive around town, just tell her that. But she will wonder if there's more to it. She needs to get curious and interested in your life. If she thinks that you could possibly have a life without her.....she will perk up and start paying attention!
Let her be the one to make the phone calls, emails, etc. Unless of course it's about the D. She should not feel as though she has the right to come and go as she pleases. You may have other plans......right? When she calls on the phone, be upbeat and nice, listen, but be sure to tell her you need to go first.....that's what the book says (lol). In other words, you are playing hard to get. That's old fashion, but sweetie, it works!
You asked if I was suggesting that you let her do her own thing for a while. Well, there isn't a lot you can do about what she does anyway....but I prefer to call it backing off or detaching. I really think by going out to dinner with her or buying groceries or whatever, she is not going to miss what she had. You really have not given her a chance to miss you and the home life she had with you. At least, that is my take on it, unless I missed something (and I could have). But that is what I think detaching is all about. They need to see what it is like to be without you. You weren't there when she needed you? Good! She needed to see what that was like.....not having you around when she needed you. Don't run to her and rescue her so quickly. That was your job before she removed herself from your home. Not now. I know, I know, you could think of a hundred reasons as to why you should, but that's not the point.
I really feel sorry for her b/c she is so miserable and doesn't know what she wants. If it isn't a physical/hormone thing, then I wish she would get into therapy b/c she needs guidance from a professional......and one that is a pro marriage.
In the meantime, please read the DR book again. You may want to do the LRT the real way this time....lol.
Sandi
It is not about what you feel should work in your M. It is about doing the work that gets the right results. Do what works!
