You sound pretty good, just a little impatient. You cannot rush things, and you cannot make things happen. Just give her space.
A word about your money sitch... First, consider this, and always consider this. Always consider your goals. If anything you are doing is bringing you closer to fulfilling your goals, do more of it. If anything you do is pushing you farther away, stop doing it NOW. That said, your income, her income, your joint account, your individual accounts, are all joint marital assets (at least in most states in the US). Whether she puts her paychecks in her private account or in a joint account, those checks are joint marital assets. So are yours. So, whether you spend her money, your joint money, your personal money on household expenses it doesn't matter. If she spends money on her OM, well, she could be made to pay your half back to you in the final divorce settlement. (not that you really want any of that to happen).
My point for writing all this is to calm your feeling that she's ripping you off. It's all both of your money (but I'm not a lawyer, so confirm any of this). SHE is making a big deal of it, SHE is trying to hoard "her" money, and SHE is protesting that you are spending from the joint account. All of this is making her upset, so anything you do is making her upset. Since all the assets, however divided up are at this point still joint assets, what does it matter whether you spend from the joint account or from your personal account, especially if you have an opportunity to do something that may stop driving you farther from you goals?
Good job on all else. Kisses, and getting hit on by other women are sure good for the PMA!! But LOOK only, DO NOT TOUCH. One other thing... The Ring. I know how this feels, I gave my wife my grandmother's engagement ring. The truth is, I DID give it to her. Getting into an arguement about it was not going to bring me closer to my goals. Continuing that argument was a control issue. I found that to be a perfect opportunity to "drop the rope" (in case at needs clarification, it means that if there is a tug of war, and one party "drops the rope", well, you can figure it out for yourself from there...)
