Meredith - your 5 years..

[cagzmom]

Yes, I see what you are saying. You WERE happy. Now you're not. You want what you had, darn it.

Okay, well that's good. Except, no. Just because you were happy then doesn't mean that you cannot be happy now, in this different life. It's not going to be easy, but it's possible!

THAT IS GOOD --- and such a GREAT reminder. If we were to EVER be with our H again it will have to be NEW and FRESH. The old is DEAD.

That said, THIS is where I struggled too:

Still SO afraid of moving forward, because it would feel too much like "giving up."

I was NOT giving up on my marriage, come hell or high water. I WAS NOT. Yeah. It didn't work.

Ok my friend - you hit IT ON THE head again. That is where I have been since day 1. And you are right...one person can NOT A MARRIAGE SAVE. Last week all week I listened to OUTSTANDING counsel on marriage..outstanding workshop ideas etc. BUT HERE IS THE DEAL --- if your h or w doesn't want to work on it then you CANT WORK ON IT!! That is what I think I am FINALLY getting into my skull and to be honest what so many awesome people on this board have said. WORK ON Cagzmom!!!

So, stop about the marriage. What if he died? What if you found out you had cancer? It would suck, right? Of course. But you wouldn't have a choice, you wouldn't be able to say, "NO". You would be forced to live your life - and put on a positive outlook.

Ok if i think about him dieing often am I a bad girl???

Cagzmom up there finds happiness in running. I would die trying. My favorite workout is pilates. We're different, but have the same goal - clear head, physical fitness, wellbeing. There has to be SOMETHING you're interested in. SOMETHING that makes you want to get up in the morning. Not SOMEONE, mind you

.

Been thinking lots about that again - and how to fit the "me" time in. It is hard for us because we are in limbo-- so we aren't single and we aren't married..to find the place we fit (ie in church or support groups) can be tough. BUT I need to look outside of that. Where do I fit? I don't know..but I am ready to try...(And this has taken an entire year to get to!! GOOD GRIEF!!

I found ME!

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And here is a funny thought -- that is who they fell in love with. Not saying that that will happen again....but it is ironic.