Lan, I agree with you 100%. Programs like Retrovaille, MC, etc. work only if BOTH are on board otherwise its a crap shoot and would most likely backfire as it did in my case and a few others I know of. Having followed your sitch every step of the way I think you are taking the more sure footed approach.
When we attended the Retrouvaille weekend, my wife was not convinced that she wanted to save the marriage. She attended so that I couldn't say that she didn't give it a shot. She was very hesitant, but things really clicked on that weekend. There was a presenting couple there that gave the story of their situation. It was like ours in many ways, but much longer and seemingly more difficult. There were many other things that made a difference that weekend, but I think that speech was a turning point.
Lan, I'm happy to hear that she doesn't want to leave, but I can't see mending the relationship without some sort of guidance be it a weekend retreat, counseling, etc. She may be ready at some point in the future, but I wouldn't just back burner the feelings, emotions, etc. Whatever it was that happened needs to be confronted and dealt with in order to heal properly - for both of you.
