She'll Think of Me

[lovelyolive]

I used to have crazy dreams like that quite a bit. Haven't had one in a while but they certainly shake you.

I am also a horrible cold and unfeeling person. I was mean to a waitress once.. Yes... that was a HUGE indicator to H of who I really am.. I just really don't get why they make us out to be these horrible unfeeling people. I guess it makes them feel like they aren't hurting our feelings since we obviously don't have any.

Take Care of yourself..

[JoieDeVivre]

I just really don't get why they make us out to be these horrible unfeeling people.

They're the ones who had the A. Yet, we're the bad people. Senseless, illogical justifications. Nothing more. Mountains become molehills.

Somewhere inside they know they were hideously wrong in what they did. They have to make you look bad so that they don't look so bad themselves. Self-acceptance of mistakes and wrongdoings is a huge pill that many people can't swallow.

I had the dreams, too. And the shower has been my sanctuary for shedding many tears. Crying is an emotional and spiritual release.

NoCode, you do not sound like an emotional cripple to me. The fact that you've shed so many tears proves that. "A strong man cries; it is the weak man who holds back his tears." (Lakota Elders)

Joie

[NoCodeBlues]

Thanks, Lwb,

Nocode, you had a big shock with the actual confirmation and you were very focused on getting the truth. It takes awhile to sink in.

I can't quite say that it was "shock", since I expected the outcome, but it was a blow nonetheless. I wanted to be proven wrong, that I was being unduly paranoid, and my W was still only entertaining a full blown affair with OM.

You are far from uncaring and cold, just the opposite. I hope you know this.

You are so sweet, Lwb. I hope you know that.

Take Care of yourself.

Thanks, LO. I do try. You take care of yourself too, okay?

NoCode, you do not sound like an emotional cripple to me. The fact that you've shed so many tears proves that. "A strong man cries; it is the weak man who holds back his tears." (Lakota Elders)

Thanks, Joie, for your kind words and for the quote. I've heard that saying before, but didn't know who to attribute it to.

I think if I learned one thing from my father, it would be my observation of how he handled his emotions. He tried to show far too much stoicism, never crying, such that I think it proved damaging to him on so many levels.

It is said that shedding tears when appropriate is necessary for our mental and physical health, as it helps alleviate stress. I know how relieved I feel at the end of a good cry. Sometimes I realize that I actually forget to cry because I am usually trying to manage the stress level and keep things from coming apart -- it's a guy thing, I guess, since you ladies are able to let the tears flow so much more readily. And that's probably why you will tend to live longer too.

[sgctxok]

Aw.

Your sons will learn even more from you. May your marriage be healed.

[sgctxok]

There are a few more techniques in DR that you can try than GAL/PMA. There are many skills actually.

DBing is "Doing What Works...".....there are lots of communication skills that I think would help in your case.

Changing Anything for one(The Where, the When....in relation to 'talks'...especially about the children)
....

[karen43]

Hi, Nocode! I'm depressed! My H just told me he's moving out next month! I can't stop crying! Does anyone have any advice???? I don't even know why I'm crying exactly- he's kind of a jerk. He thinks I'm pathetic for still caring for him when he's in love with OW. I guess I am.... Karen43

[NoCodeBlues]

Hi, Karen.

I'm sorry things are so rough right now. I really know how bad it can be when you're depressed. Many here on these boards suggest anti-depressants (AD) should the conditions get too hard to bear. I suffered (suffer) from clinical depression, for about three years now, and am still on a low dose of AD's. They don't take away the depression entirely but they really do help. Have you seen your doctor?

As far as your H moving out, that can be both a blessing and a curse. Yes, it will be very, very hard to see your spouse leave, almost unbearable, and it will make the suggested benefits of DB'ing and GALing so much harder to have an impact on your H (you have to remember this would only be a side benefit anyway.) But on the other hand, with your spouse gone, you will not have to directly endure their hostilities or have his affair shoved in your face all the time. You will actually gain some peace in not having to continually face this alien being and their disquieting behaviors.

Finally, you are not pathetic for continuing to care for and love your spouse even after they have committed one of the most horrible and painful actions imaginable upon us. We take our vows for better or for worse. And we just cannot turn this degree of love, commitment and devotion off so easily. Speaking for myself at least, once I made that commitment to my W 17 years ago and maintained that love all these years I just cannot turn it off so readily.

Hang in there. (((((((hugs)))))))

[NoCodeBlues]

Hello, all,

I've been scarce of late, especially today, been so tied up with the mediation meeting today and preparing for it. I don't have a lot of time to go into great detail about it right at the moment -- I'm exhausted -- but I will say that I am not happy with my W or the way things are going with her choice in mediators. And if this torture persists like it has, I may be the one who files the minute we're legally able to.

I'll go into it more later.

[Dr LOve]

Hey no code,

hang in there buddy.

Dr Love

[LL44]

Hey nocode, I am so sorry. I hope you are sleeping right now, and at least getting some rest. I know that doesn't always help emotionally though. Hang in there. You will do what is needed to protect you and the boys.