Finding my way out of the dark

[mishka422]

Ok, I'm dwelling on this and I know I shouldn't. I know I can't second guess what H is doing or his reactions to things but I'm really thinking that telling him I miss him was a HUGE mistake. I didn't mean it in a pushy way, I was being honest and sincere but he probably took it as me being needy, huh?

I'm still so lightheaded from this illness and being at work all day has nearly killed me. I want to go home to bed but I can't, have to take S13 to karate tonight. Hoping I can just go and sleep in the car while he's inside. He really prefers me to be inside with him though.

The loneliness is really getting to me now. Much worse than it had been. I think the shock of this has worn off some and now I just feel like I'm so empty. I try to fill the time with activities but my mind drifts back to my H and all the great times we had together, the quiet moments, the soft touches. To know that he is doing those things with some crazy OW is really making me nuts. The stop sign is NOT working right now.

I really have to stop this wallowing in self-pity crud. I haven't prayed enough today and it's beginning to show.

What do you all think? Was one simple phrase (I miss you) after he was so sweet to bring me 7-up and broth and order pizza for the family too much?