MLC is CRAZY!!! What a Roller Coaster!!!

[tpaschal]

Thank You for these words. I too am not there yet. I am having a hard time detaching. I feel like this seperation and divorce is being shoved down my throat. I do not want this.

Yes, I think most of us here feel the same way. When my H first dropped the bomb, I couldn't sleep, couldn't eat, and lost 15 pounds in 3 weeks. (And I wasn't more than 5 pounds overweight to start with.) Some days I could hardly move. I have gotten better over the past year, but I still cry often.

This weekend was very, very rough. Especially since he told me it was going to be his Valentine weekend. Rumor is he took her to the Daytona 500! Jerk!!! Thanks! Rip my heart out, Thank You!

Don't focus on him and what he's doing with his OW. I know, easier said than done. In fact, in telling you that I'm making a huge hypocrite out of myself since I haven't been able to do that yet myself. But I know it HAS to be done. I'm working on it.

I too am a teacher. 1st year teacher. I went back to school to complete my degree once my youngest was in Junior High. I certainly know about the little pay. It's great isn't!

We built our house. I am going to keep it, period!!! I do not care. It is my boys only place to ever live. It is in the country. My youngest son pole vaults and motocrosses. There is no way I am going to move him in town. Just make up your mind that H will have to figure something out for you to stay. It is not your fault he chose to walk out.

Well, as much as I hate to lose my home, and even more hate to take the kids out of their place of security, I have to be realistic. It is a huge house, over 5,000 sq. feet, and it has been killing me this past year trying to keep it up on my own---especially with my menagerie of 3 kids, 2 dogs, 4 cats, a backyard swimming pool, and a humongous and elaborately landscaped yard. Even if H was somehow made to pay off the house loan (which will never, ever happen) I couldn't afford the yearly property taxes and regular upkeep and maintenance on my teacher's salary.

I think that is one thing a lot of single moms have to be very careful about---not becoming "house poor." If you can easily afford it, then yes, it usually makes sense to keep the kids in their home. But if trying to keep the house causes any financial stress or worry, I think that can end up being worse for your kids in the long run.

My H walked out and has never turned back. Funny thing is....no one including me knew he was going to. The DB book talks about those jerks that do just as my H has done....Walk out and never look back. I hope I am wrong. I know it is MLC plus a younger woman. I am thinking about hiring a PI. I would love to turn the tables and take control with sending photos to everyone of them. H denies OW and will to his grave unless I have pictures to prove him wrong.

No one had any clue that my H was thinking of leaving, either. It was a kick in the gut to me, to our kids, to his parents, my parents, all our friends, his co-workers, and on and on.

My H denied the OW, too, but I right away found emails between them that proved it. Hiring a PI is something you should discuss with your lawyer, as you may need them to be able to prove "fault" in case of a divorce, but you need to look at it as simply business. You are doing what you have to do to take care of your kids financially, and that's it. I know how you feel about wanting to prove it to everyone, but that would be a HUGE step backward if you are serious about DB'ing. Another poster on here just recently reminded me that right now, I am the enemy. Any attack on the OW will just give the H more of a reason to bond together with the OW against their common enemy---the wife. You have to let the OW sink her own ship, which she will in time. Let HER do the pushing, let HER do the demanding, let HER become the naggy, b****y one.

Hang in there. Detach, Detach, Detach. If you learn how to, let me know.

Believe me, I'm trying! Haven't figured it out yet, but I am getting closer.