I know how it is to be married for many years and think that you have to continue to stay M b/c of the family, but you do not have to live in those conditions. IMHO, you need to get away from him and stay away. He has serious problems and I think it is unsafe to stay with him. Don't worry about what he says, have courage and self respect.

Please take care of yourself.

It is not about what you feel should work in your M. It is about doing the work that gets the right results. Do what works!