Wow- you are so strong and good going through all your things. I don't think I have the strength for that yet. H WILL call. And if he doesn't, we have a plan right? (Or we can make one!).
Have fun shopping and let us know what you get. Hot 180 outfits as T would say!
DB works. And NC works too. I should be fast asleep but I'm actually a bit excited so thought I would see if any of my detached DB friends can help me in my next DB maneuver!
Haven't heard from H in almost 6 weeks except for a text message for my Bday 3 weeks ago. Have been semi thinking that I might reach out and contact him at the end of Feb.... but am so glad I've been patient.
Got a text from H at 6pm tonight saying "Hi just thought id see how your going with work and what youve been up to".
I didn't hear my phone beep, and it wasn't until I got into bed and set me alarm on my phone that I saw it. So at 10pm I replied "Hi thanks for your text! Have just got home but its probably too late. Will call u later. Hope u are good!".
Was actually at home, but I'm sure I can come up with a plausible lie about being out instead!
Was my reply OK? I don't trust myself to not stuff up in the heat of the moment.
So what I'm thinking is that I wont call him tomorrow night, I will make him wait, and I will call him the night after. What do you think? Too mean? Don't want to appear too keen though.
And when I talk to him I do actually have lots of fun interesting things to tell him that I've been doing. I have to remember not to bring up R or getting a D (for some reason I bring up D and make a joke of it - weird?!?). And I might need to steer clear of mutual friends having marriage difficulties because otherwise it gets too complicated to work out if we are talking about the friends or actually our own R.
OK I'd love to hear your thoughts about it. (I know this is so sad, its one tiny little text message, but I literally did a little dance around the room I was so happy - must not get too excited..... he could have bad new waiting for me)
I was reading your latest posts for an update and it was weird how you mentioned a couple of days ago that he hasn't called and then today he sent you this message!!!
You did fine with the reply. Just fine. And you already shown him you are not waiting by the phone for his call by not getting back to him immediately (which you would have, I am sure IF it wasn't for the DBing). So call him when you feel like it, tommorow night would be fine too. Just have a plan in your head not to exaggerate on the great things you are doing-just casually bring them up if appropriate- and make sure you mention things he wouldn't expect you to be doing. In my sitch that makes a difference everytime. And you know, not to say anything about your R and D (I used to make sick jokes about the D too).
I am so happy you got this small but important (and definitely not sad) contact with him.
Essie!!!!! Hurray!!!!!!!!! Fantastic news about the text- I punched the air when I read your post (not very English of me, I know!)
So I think your reply was perfect, and great that you said you'd been busy- excellent DBing.
I think it would be fine for you to call him tonight if you're free (although don't go out of your way to if not). Keep the conversation light and smile when you're on the phone (he'll hear it in your voice)....
I would let him do the bulk of the talking. Don't volunteer too much information to begin with- remember to keep him wondering so he has to contact you again to find more. And whatever he says (even if it's bad news, which I don't believe it will be), remember to validate.
And finally, let us know how it goes- I'll be thinking of you. Fantastic news!!
Hi Essie! OH MY GOD!!! Thats amazing news !! I checked your sitch as I wondered what had happened lately, as you sound so happy on other peoples threads! I think you should reply soon really...after so many weeks of NC, maybe take this first opportunity on offer? You wouldnt not reply to an old friend for days ?! If he initiates further contact, you could apply DB principles and not be so available then?
I'm not sure of the time there now or when you were planning to call him, but I wish you luck!
Originally Posted By: Essie
DB works. And NC works too. (I know this is so sad, its one tiny little text message, but I literally did a little dance around the room I was so happy - must not get too excited....he could have bad new waiting for me)
I'm not surprised you danced around the room, and I have got equally excited about just as short text messages and they were about bowel movements !! So I dont blame you.
At least you are conscious of not getting too excited. I really hope he wants to have a chat with you, or meet, becuase he has missed you in some way, and that he doesnt have any bad news for you at all. I guess you could do as Jeff advised.. let him lead the tone of the conversation and follow it. But you're such a pro at this DBing and give such good advice on others threads that I bet you are fantastic when you do speak.
Sending you a huge hug!! Cant wait to hear what happened,
I am SO GLAD to hear your news!!! You are lifting me up!!! I think I yelled "hooray" or something like that when I first read your thread this morning.
Oh my gosh... you success is really inspiring me!!
I like your plan to wait. And b/c you have been doing GAL for yourself you really will have great things to talk about!!
Thankyou thankyou to all my lovely advisors (Kalani, One Day, Dry Heat, Ali, T). I really appreciate your support. Thank you all for sharing my excitement, its so nice to be able to share this with people who get it.
Finally I get to post something juicy, instead of waiting, waiting followed by more waiting!
I was going to make him wait till tomorrow, but funnily my fingers got a life of their own and before my head could stop my heart had pressed dial on the phone.
EEEEKKK! Not sure how I'm feeling..... its so sureal talking to him (so familiar, but so removed at the same time)
Anyway good things were....
He was at home watching TV. He has been working hard, but not really enjoying it, and its not going as well as he had hoped.
And he said he had had a weird few days and was missing my family and thinking about me (he saw my Dad yesterday) and even missing my sisters dog. I said that the dog probably missed him too. He said that he hadn't expected to miss anyone and he was finding it weird (OMG he's crazy - did he honestly think he would never miss me or my extended family?!? Its been 5 months and only the last couple of days you've started to miss us??!? - abducted by aliens for sure!). I think he is quite lonely - sucker!! Ha ha! (I'm actually a nice person in real life but you have to be able to laugh at the craziness!)
And he said that he worried about me sometimes. And I said "worried about me?? I'm good!" And I think I made oohhh noises, like ooohh you're sweet and caring H (.....although not caring or worried enough about me to stay married, but hey I'm not going to point that out at this stage! ha ha!!)
He did majority of the talking. At the moment I think I might need to do a bit of a 180 on this - I'm always the good listener, and I don't share unless someone specifically asks. Maybe I need to be selling my GAL thing a bit more? Or maybe not?
Now I know that that sounds good that he was worried about me, but at the time when he was saying that I was thinking that it sounded final. Like he's worried how I'm going to cope without him forever.
He did say he wanted to stay in touch more. And he was hoping to come over in a few weeks time to copy some digital photos. (I resisted the temptation to mention that buddy I've already packed up all the things I thought were yours.... - I think I will wait until he specifically asks instead of forcing the boxes of stuff on him).
And he was worried about my mobile phone contract being out soon.
Hmmm I really think I should have talked more about me, but he honestly didnt ask anything except how work was (and I told him about the interview etc). I was trying to be a bit mysterious, but I dont think it worked, I think I just sounded boring... I need specific help on this. I have been doing great GAL things, and I am actually loving being single, but I feel a bit disappointed I didnt get to tell him. Obviously he is still in some sort of crisis and it isnt entering his head that I might be moving on without him. Apart from having a hunky semi-naked guy answer the door next time H makes contact how can I make him feel like I'm moving on and happy so that he isnt worried about me and he has to start to chase me?
I'm great and doing great, the last person I need sympathy from is him. I would love to say 'the best thing you ever did was leave me' (sometimes that is how I feel, because I have grown so much and I'm so much happier and centered now). I just dont think comments like that would be helpful (although funny!)
I guess the best thing is that he isnt calling to say he's met someone new and he's going to become a father.... I'm not ready for news like that!
One Day - I tried smiling when talking, but it was getting a bit strange cause I was smiling while trying to make sympathetic noises! Ha! I hope he got that I'm happy. Thankyou for your advice. I tried Jeff's advice too of letting him lead the tone of the conversation (except he's moppy and I want to show that I'm happy, and his main topic of conversation was himself). I need more practise at having contact, at the moment there are too many conflicting thoughts running through my head.
