Hi Jeff! Hope you're having a good day.

I have just completed a marathon read of all your posts! You are so funny and supportive- I can see how you've helped so many people on the boards.

And I have a couple of questions for you. I couldn't see any goals anywhere (maybe I missed them?), so couldn't tell what you want to see, other than a change in general. What changes exactly would you like to see? What would be the first baby step that signals a change is occurring?

I think W could change, but only if she sees continued changes in you, over a period of time. As Dom said, she has built some thick walls around herself, and breaking them down is going to take time....

So a couple of things that came to my mind when I read your thread....would it be a 180 for you to say something to W next time she says something negative about you in front of any of the S's? Or a 180 to lay down some boundaries about what is an appropriate thing to comment on in front of them and what isn't? If you've tried that, what was the outcome? What about consistently agreeing that she is right- validate with no eye rolling! ;\) (Although I am reminded at this point of a story in DR/CYL) where W gained respect for H when he started laying down some boundaries....)

Another question I have is around consistency of changes. For example, is the bedroom still tidy? Have you made moves towards replacing the mattress/clearing the CC? Is there a rota in place for the cleaning yet? I read somewhere that it takes 30 goes at a change to make it habit, and that usually it takes 6 weeks for the WAS to even begin to trust the change that might be occurring (and even longer for them to believe the change is permanent). I am guessing since it's been a while you've tried quite a few 180s consistently (?).....

Sorry-lots of questions (that's science girl for you!). Asking W what you guys can do to change will obviously be a big 180 aswell.

I hope I don't sound negative- I don't mean to at all. You just totally deserve to be happy and I would love to help and support you as you do me!

Right. Just off to pop th pokies in!

L.xx

Walk on, walk on, with hope in your heart.
And you'll never walk alone.