H never came back from Iraq, part 3

[klm]

Well, I am guessing OW will start bringing up the D soon if she hasn't already. Let her pressure him. We all know that pressure sends them running the other direction.

Have you thought about getting tested for STDs? I know it isn't something you want to think about but maybe you should. I am not sure if it is a good idea to call your H and ask questions about that. He probably isn't going to be honest with you about that anyway.

As far as the taxes, maybe you should just leave him a message saying that you need to know what he wants to do. Tell him that you would get more back filing jointly but if you don't hear from him by some certain date that you will just have to file yours seperately.

I noticed when I would call my H if I sounded upbeat and happy he would almost certainly call right back. If I sounded upset or like I wanted to 'talk' about something then I wouldn't hear from him. He NEVER answered, I always had to leave a message. Just keep that in mind if you do leave him a message.

[MichelleLT]

I like the idea about the taxes.

With my H it doesn't matter if it's an emergency like when my little brother ran away from home or if I'm happy or if I actually do really need to talk to him. He almost never answers and he's usually bad about calling me back.

I did go get tested through Planned Parenthood back in like October. I probably should go again, especially since I need the HPV test since I've definitely been exposed to at least one form.

However, there are a few questions on the blood donation form that I don't know how to answer - like if I've ever had sex with a man who has ever had sex with another man. The majority of the e-mails off Craig's List were with men, although the only person he admitted to meeting up with was a woman (but that was when he was still insisting they only went to coffee as well). I don't think he met up with anyone other than the one woman, but I obviously can't trust what he says. And where my old H would not have done those things or even considered lying to me, let alone actually lied to me about it, the possessed H has done some very weird things.

[klm]

The only reason I say don't even bring it up is because he isn't going to be honest with you. If he is honest and says no, would you take his word? You would probably still wonder. If you have been tested and things came back negative then I think you can donate blood with a clear conscience.

[klm]

he has never wavered - D is his "only option for happiness" and whether I want it or not I am going to be D "soon."

I remember my H saying this. After I moved and was 1000 miles away and H was living with OW I asked if he was finally happy. His response...."I think the stress of the D is clouding my happiness." What a bunch of B.S!! The paperwork for the D was filed, I was nowhere near him, and we were just waiting on the court to grant the D....what was he stressed about? Just goes to show that they need to learn to take responsibility for their own happiness and not blame everyone else for it.

[MichelleLT]

Lol. Wonderful points in both your posts. I just wish they'd hurry up! Silly boys.... :-P

[MichelleLT]

FLTC: Missed your post in the rest of the ones going on.

I've been doing the RICE thing. I think I'll crack open a bottle of wine tonight. Unfortunately I'm out of beer. Might have to hit the store lol. Only problem is my roommate's not much of a drinker, so even though she'll be home I'll be drinking "alone". Oh well, at least she finds me being tipsy entertaining.

[MichelleLT]

Well damn. Apparently I can't get my tuition write-off as married filing separately. That's $2,000 of tax write off I can't get (and $2,000 that H can't get since we both qualify)! I guess I have to call H...................

[MichelleLT]

Sent him this IM:

(11:24:35 PM) Me: Hey. I was working on my taxes and realized we can't claim our tuition unless we file jointly. So, do you want to get me your tax info and split the return?
(11:26:19 PM) H: well
(11:26:41 PM) H: I already filed them
(11:27:02 PM) ME: oh
(11:27:33 PM) ME: We're missing $4,000 of tax credits....
(11:28:22 PM) H: even so neither of us made much money
(11:28:45 PM) Me: Well, I'm only getting $200 of more than $800 back
(11:28:51 PM) H: well you made more than I
(11:30:05 PM) Me: Yeah
(11:30:42 PM) Me: So what do you want to do?
(11:30:57 PM) H: suggestions?
(11:31:27 PM) Me: I have no idea if we can refile together.
(11:31:43 PM) Me: At any rate, did you itemize or use the standard deduction? We have to both do the same thing to avoid an audit.
11:32:17 PM) H: standard
(11:32:58 PM) H: well I didn't send in my signature sheet yet
(11:33:06 PM) H: was going to do that tomorrow
(11:33:32 PM)Me: I'm glad we could talk about this before everything was finalized
(11:34:07 PM) H: that's one point of view
(11:34:21 PM) Me: huh?
(11:35:29 PM) H: the army and the VA and both [censored] my pay at the same time. I found a job that I start tomorrow but without my return paying rent is going to be lovely this month
(11:36:14 PM) Me: So wouldn't a bigger return help?
(11:37:31 PM) H: six hundred this week is better than eight hundred in march
(11:37:55 PM) Me: Wow. I didn't think you had paid that much in taxes.
(11:39:16 PM) H: I just put in the numbers that turbo tax wanted
(11:39:49 PM) Me: Well, for me, being able to claim tuition is the difference between $200 and $750 back
(11:40:34 PM) H: I can appreciate that factoid
(11:40:45 PM) H: lets see if I can refile jointly
(11:42:02 PM) H: good?
(11:42:11 PM) Me: That would help a lot

[MichelleLT]

Picking up where that left off....

(11:44:57 PM) H: how are you otherwise?
(11:45:20 PM) Me: good
(11:46:05 PM) Me: so you got a job?
(11:46:48 PM) H: yeah
(11:46:58 PM) H: working for the germplasm bank
(11:47:45 PM) H: its about time too
(11:47:57 PM) H: I've been looking for a while now
(11:48:07 PM) Me: sounds interesting
(11:49:30 PM) H: its good to have work
(11:52:50 PM) Me: yeah, that must take a bit of stress off you
(11:53:36 PM) H: its too little, too late at the moment but I always bounce back
(11:54:30 PM) Me: you mean resume-wise or financially?
(11:55:23 PM) H: so I'll have to get back to you on the taxes tomorrow, probably tomorrow evening
(11:55:43 PM) Me: yeah
(11:56:51 PM) H: though if we'd had a summary dissolution it'd be that much simpler
(11:57:30 PM) Me: Umm, we still would have been married for last year for tax purposes.
(11:58:08 PM) Me: But yeah, filing as single I could have claimed my tuition on my own which would be awesome.
(11:58:46 PM) H: I don't know tax stuff
(11:59:29 PM) Me: Well, if you're married for half the year, you are married for the tax year
(11:59:34 PM) Me: So we're married for 2007 and 2008.
(2/19/2008 12:00:32 AM) H: I'd agree
(12:01:39 AM) Me: So are you excited about your new job?
(12:01:41 AM) H: anyhow, tomorrow evening I ought to be able to have a coherant answer for you
(12:02:03 AM) H: so we can see about getting you some money back
(12:02:48 AM) Me: Yeah, I already said that's great
(12:02:52 AM) H: yeah, it's good to have work
(12:03:14 AM) Me: what will you be doing?
(12:03:31 AM) H: working in a greenhouse
(12:03:43 AM) H: helping maintain the seed collection
(12:03:52 AM) Me: that sounds really interesting
(12:04:37 AM) H: well its not behind a desk
(12:04:49 AM) H: so I'm happy
(12:05:09 AM) Me: always a good thing
(12:08:38 AM) H: I'm gonna rack out, I'll call you tomorrow when I know something interesting
(12:08:52 AM) Me: Good night
(12:09:20 AM) H: good night [me]

He kept taking everything back to the taxes. And brought up the summary dissolution again!

Sounds like he already has all that tax money spent on rent, I wonder if he's ever gonna get around to filing for D or if finances will be his perpetual excuse.

[klm]

It is weird that he took everything back to the taxes. Although, I think the second time he had already started typing about it before you asked him about the job. At least he seemed willing to help...now we'll see if he follows through. I don't mean to be pessimistic, but I wouldn't be surprised if he doesn't call.

I think you handled it well when he brought up the summary dissolution. So, if you won't sign that, then what does he have to do? Would you have to be separated a certain amount of time or does it just cost more?

Glad to hear he has a job.