Confusion of a WAW (Thread 7)

[sandi2]

Dear Brit,

I've read your stitch on and off since you came on board. I went back to your first post just to kind of remind myself of some things and I had to smile when I read this from your first post.

I started LRTing about a week ago, and if anything it's confusing her - She asks me more about what I'm doing, why I'm doing things, which I guess is good. We went to a drive-in movie last weekend and she mentioned that she was proud of the changes I had made and she burst into tears when she told me she was sorry for being so mean to me in the last few weeks. I made the mistake of giving her a hug,

Sweetie, I hate to sound so harsh, but I don't think you have used the LRT at all. You certainly haven't detached. I say that with softness in my voice (even if you can't hear it). How can you with a W like yours? You are so in love with her that you would jump through fire hoops to please her, but right now, I think that is impossible.

There are some options to look at here about your W's emotional rollercoaster (besides being a WAW), she posssibly could be bi-polar and should be tested.......I doubt it would be wise for you to mention that to her except if it was perfect timing, but maybe a good friend or relative could. She possibly could be starting menopause at an early age......and if she is, it's probably doing a number on her, but again, not for you to be the one to mention it. She could be having severe pms. But, more than likely, it is her ups and downs with the OM. You said yourself that when she was hurt at him or had had a fight with him she ran to you. Very obvious to me what she is doing there. She wants her ego petted and she knows you will do it. I'm concerned that those times she is spending with you (several days in a row)is when she is trying to make the OM jealous or she is ticked at him for some unknown reason. Maybe OM is not dancing to her tune or something so she plays her little games.
She knows where to go to get the petting she needs to feel better.

WAW's are so messed up in their head's that they are on a rollercoaster anyway, but I know with myself......I had no desire what-so-ever to be anywhere around my H when I was going through all of that. So, I find it kind of strange that she is doing this hugging/kissing routine and then backing off, etc. However, maybe some W's do. The only thing I know is, that she is just so screwed up that she honestly doesn't know what she wants. One day it is you, the next day it's the OM, and the next day she doesn't have a clue.

There was something she said about deleting a lot of people from her blog or IM or whatever it is, and I wondered if she was stringing more than one man on a line. Because, you see, it can become an addiction to women just like porn can to men. The more men you have competing for your time and attention and giving you your daily ego food, the more exciting it is. I don't know that the age difference has ever bothered her or not, but if it has, she probably needs to be reassured that she looks great, is hot, etc. It may not be a problem at all for her.....just a thought. I knew a couple where she was ten years older than him and she said the older they got the more pressure it was for her to keep looking as young as him.

Anyway, I hope you will re-read the chapter on LRT and detaching. I think you really need to do that, sweetie. I also think you are going to have to really detach before she is going to see what it is she really wants. Otherwise, she is going to continue to do the same thing she has all along.

I wish you all the best.

Sandi