Meredith - your 5 years..

[Meredith]

And I've been countering with, "But I WAS happy. What made me happy was being a stay-at-home mom with my kids. I could stay involved in their schools and in community activities and fundraisers while they were at school and then be completely THERE for them when they were home. But now that happiness is being taken away."

Yes, I see what you are saying. You WERE happy. Now you're not. You want what you had, darn it.

Okay, well that's good. Except, no. Just because you were happy then doesn't mean that you cannot be happy now, in this different life. It's not going to be easy, but it's possible!

Sweetie, if your husband dropped the younger girl and came home tomorrow, your life still wouldn't go back to what it was. That's in the past. We're working toward the future, here.

CMNM can relate a lot to your thread I'm sure and offer some great advice and suggestions for wading through some of this stuff. She also happens to be very active in her children's lives, her community and her job (which happens to be in the teaching profession).

I personally feel that I've done a pretty okay job raising my children while working more than full time, but I also chose this path. So, I may not be able to be as objective over that as you need me to be.

That said, THIS is where I struggled too:

Still SO afraid of moving forward, because it would feel too much like "giving up."

I was NOT giving up on my marriage, come hell or high water. I WAS NOT. Yeah. It didn't work.

You have to (see, I'm being bossy- YOU HAVE TO) stop thinking of the marriage as the tug-of-war rope. It isn't. A marriage is made up of two people and all that comes with them (emotions, strengths, weaknesses, personalities). It isn't something you can stake a flag into and say "MINE". I learned that the hard way. The very very hard way.

So, stop about the marriage. What if he died? What if you found out you had cancer? It would suck, right? Of course. But you wouldn't have a choice, you wouldn't be able to say, "NO". You would be forced to live your life - and put on a positive outlook.

What if someone said to you, "tpaschal, I'm sorry but this is it. This is how you are going to live the rest of your life." What would you change? Start there.

Your goals should be about improving yourself, for yourself. FIND your happiness. MAKE your happiness.

Cagzmom up there finds happiness in running. I would die trying. My favorite workout is pilates. We're different, but have the same goal - clear head, physical fitness, wellbeing. There has to be SOMETHING you're interested in. SOMETHING that makes you want to get up in the morning. Not SOMEONE, mind you.

tpaschal, I've "won" this odd little game. My husband is back and all is honkey dory. Yet, if he left tomorrow and said "sorry, Mer, I tried" I'd be sad but not broken. Not the case five years prior when he left the first time. I broke. What's different? I found ME!