Getting stronger everyday!

[kissak]

Your Right on so many levels Bill. This is all so confusing. Go dark or be a friend. My H has never been mean to me or talked ugly to me really. Of course he has done a lot of insensitive things, but I dont think he intends to hurt me. He is definintly a man who only thinks about how he feels in that moment. He doesnt really think about consequences.

I have to say that when he called on Vday night, he was drunk. I dont care how big of a jerk thing it was for him to do, I was concerned for him. He had driven to the store after drinking. He could lose alot and even take a life. He has turned to alcohol when he is down and stressed this year and I wasnt about to hang up on him. He needed me right then and I wasnt going to give up on him. I know how much I can handle of him talking about the OW with me and when I am uncomfortable with things I will hang up or change conversation or just tell him.

The reason the kids were told about this is because HE has involved them everytime he goes back. Maybe I shouldnt have said anything to them, but shamefully they know more than they should about him and her. My children were the ones to tell me they were moving intogether. Why, because My H doesnt think about what the kids see and hear. But thats all they know...that their dad and OW arent dating each other right now, but that it doesnt mean he is coming home either.

Im not perfect and dont always say or do the right things, but my kids were still thinking they were going to move intogether and all that....so I did what I thought would be ok.

I just have to think back about my H's upbringing really....raised by a step mom that didnt really care about him...having a drunk for a mom who he only saw during the summers, and a dad who would beat his tail if he did wrong. And actually, so many have said that he was the good one out of his brothers and sisters...I guess he was just tired of living up to the "good" label that he has decided to make a change!!

I have to say that the reason he gave for wanting the OW to dump him was because if HE did the dumping, he would lose alot of friends and respect at the ems/fire! Like he hadnt already.

I really believe my H has developed a brain tumor from being around all the chemicals at his job! That is all I can say. He definitly was not this rude, insensitive man that I have made him seem like to you, before the bomb.

Im just trying to understand the pain of his heartbreak. I dont like it at all and of course he deserves all the pain he gets after treating me the same way...but at least I can understand his pain and hurt.

Im just rambling folks....sorry.

Im not taking up for his stupidity, I just want him to get some help.