This is a tough tight rope for us to walk in these ridiculous circumstances our wandering spouses put us in.
On one hand we are advised to "keep smooth the path home." On the other hand we are told to set and enforce boundaries. One person tells us to be their friend and the other tells us to go dark. It can be very confusing to know what to do and what not to do, particularly when we tend to think that every little action on our part can be the straw that broke the camels back in the relationship.
I told my now ex-wife, way back when she left us, that I could and would not be her friend as long as she was involved with another man. Especially when we were still legally married. I could not be friends with someone who could so easily bring the ultimate hurt to me and our children.
Not being her friend did not mean that I could not be friendly towards her. As a general rule, I was friendly towards her as long as she was not being hateful towards me. When she was, either through words or actions, I simply refused to interact with her. No phone, no text, no email, nothing.
Now this part is just for me, maybe you don't feel this way. Friendly interaction with a WAS does NOT include having them blather on about problems with their adulterous partner. Period. I didn't want to know a damned thing about her other men, and I sure as heck did not want to hear how heartbroken she was over one of them doing the same thing to her that she did to me! What absolute arrogance and insensitivity.
This is NOT the first time your husband has treated you with such disrespect. I clearly recall him asking you to text message his adulterous partner to let her know that the two of you had not slept together. Huh!? I know you told him no, but the fact that he asked, the fact that he called you Valentines Day night to tell you what he told you? That is incredibly hurtful, rude, and insensitive towards you. I don't care if you wanted to be kind or not.
One final word. I don't know about your children and what kind of dynamic you all have going about your husband and his illicit affairs, but I can't imagine why you would feel the need to inform your children that Daddy has broken up with his adultery partner. Why in the world do they even have to made part of this mess, anymore than they already are? And yes, I know you said they were concerned about him and her, but so what? Tell them that this woman does not even get discussed in your house. Tell them to ask their father about his illicit sex partner the next time they are with him.
I'm sorry Kissak, I've been rather blunt with some of my words.
Your husband is incredibly rude to say and do these things to you. It is unthinkable to me to cheat on my wife and then ask for her advice on what to do when my adulterous relationship begins to fall apart. But then so much of what your husband has done is unthinkable to me.
I think it's time you shut THAT end of his interactions with you DOWN, for good.
Blessings,
Bill
"Don't tell me the sky is the limit when there are footprints on the moon."
