Well, I guess I feel a little better today, although I didn't get much sleep last night. I tried not to lash out at H because I didn't want him to feel that he can't be honest about things with me. I just wish that he had been honest about OW in counseling...there is no point in going if you are going to lie about your feelings.
I do have another question for him though. If he wanted things to get physical then why didn't they. The texts I saw seemed like she was definitely willing, and it isn't like they didn't have opportunity. It just doesn't make sense that it never got physical. I mean they were living together for almost 6 months. It doesn't add up but I can't understand why he would lie about it at this point other than he doesn't want to hurt me anymore than he has. I guess it doesn't really matter if it ever got physical or not.
Last night was really not supposed to be that way. I know that he didn't intend on getting into that and I didn't either. He cried, I cried, it was just bad all around. He did tell me that I was his best friend ever and he never wanted that to change. He told me that the reason he doesn't call me much or ask me to do things much is becuase he doesn't want me to think he is using me. He doesn't want me to think he is just trying to get on my good side in case he needs something.
He told me that I was the best person he has ever known and no one has ever been so accepting of him as me. He said I can't believe I am doing this to the best person in my life...and he said he just realized that as he was saying it.
He told me that he doesn't know what it means to be "in love" or even to "love" someone. He is just really messed up right now. I suggested counseling for him only and he said no, he said talking about it didn't help. Our previous counselor suggested to me that he could be bipolar but she didn't see him long enough to make that diagnosis. She suggested that he see a psychiatrist so that they could diagnose as well as prescribe medcation to him. I haven't brought this up to him because I am not sure how he will take it.
