MM, I have been following your sitch but have not responded until today as this hits so close to home for me too. My H was/is (always will be) an addict but I can say that he has been clean and sober for over 10 years now. We went through A LOT during his active addiction and it was pure hell....for both of us. I can only say that they can overcome the addiction....only if/when THEY are ready. Really and truly ready.
My H 'tried' to hide his addiction for 7 years while we were dating. Of course we went through the whole lick....lying, stealing, jail, disappearing for weeks at a time...the whole nine. And all this while I was DATING him. I didn't marry him until he had at least 2 years clean time. I didn't HAVE to stick around for this mess! I had no obiligation to him...but I loved him. And I helped him through it, but there is only so much you can do.
Your W has to want this for herself. She is the only one who can determine when she is 'sick and tired of being sick and tired'. No matter how much you try to love her through it or help her through it she is not going to kick unless SHE is ready to do it.
All I can say is protect yourself and your kids. It is entirely your decision how much (or how little) you choose to help her. But remember, if she is not ready to let it go yet, there is nothing you can do to help her. That's why I say protect yourself, mentally, physically, financially, whatever. Pray for her that she is delivered from this substance abuse that seems to have a hold on her. It may be the best thing you can do for her right now.
