MLC is CRAZY!!! What a Roller Coaster!!!

[tpaschal]

2ndNoah,

Sorry I haven't replied sooner. I've had a busy couple of days and not on the board very much.

My friend (who filed for divorce but did not have her H served until he filed) lives in Texas, same as me.

I wish I could answer your questions about why they do what they do. How they think it's okay, and even more than just "okay," they think it is their "right" to walk out their wife, kids, friends, family, financial responsibilities.....the list goes on and on.

Yes, my H is still with the OW. She is a controlling, manipulative, selfish 22 year old child who wears the mask of the sweet little woman who just wants to be there to save him from his horrible, terrible life and show him how happy, happy, fun, fun life will be with her. Well, his life wasn't horrible and terrible until she came along to convince him it was.

The kids are having a very tough time. I had the two older ones in counseling for several months, as was I, but H has stopped giving us enough money to pay for it.

Yes, we are still in his dream house, though probably not for much longer. I have been a stay at home mom with no income for 14 years, and even if I do go back to teaching elem. school, I will not be able to afford this house. It sucks, because he LOVED this house and I went along with buying it because I knew how important it was to him even though I wasn't ready to move out of our old neighborhood. The two younger kids don't even remember living anywhere else, and now they're being uprooted from their home because of his selfishness. He has completely rewritten history to the point of him saying the only reason he wanted to buy this house was because it had a study where he could go to get away from me and be alone. How ridiculous!

His parents are still outraged by his behavior, but they blame me half the time because he's not back yet. (If I had only PROVED to him that I was making changes, he'd be back home already.) I know that their critical, controlling behavior, and their own marital problems and his dad's affairs are probably a huge part of why my H is handling his own mid-life crisis in the way that he is. The biggest difference with my in-laws was that my FIL never left his kids. (FIL is from a culture where having a fling on the side was expected, but family still came first.) They flip-flop back and forth on a regular basis on who they think is to blame at any particular moment. They say that their ultimate goal no matter what is for him to come back home and put his family back together, and they are a big help to me with the kids, and have very limited contact with my H, but I do need to be careful about depending on them too much.

I wish I knew the answers. I've been reading a thread started by cagzmom, where she is asking for advice and pointers from a poster named Meredith. I wish I knew how to put links in my post, but I don't. I recommend find that thread and reading all the great stuff in there.

What I'm struggling with right now, and it sounds like you may be, too, is completely detaching from H, from his relationship with the OW, and from any expectations of reconciliation. I don't think it means to give up hope, but it means we have to realize now that we are responsible for our own happiness.

I am not there yet, but I am trying hard.

{{hugs to 2ndNoah}}