Cobra:

Quote:
Good, then find one because that is what you want and not what you need.


Ah, you make it sound so simple. \:\) Given all the good points you made, however, one's 'needs' are always lurking, ready to upset the apple cart, so to speak, especially when a person doesn't KNOW their needs... and it isn't a 'bad' thing to have needs, either. (Not that you said it was... just... we all 'need.')

Mo:

I guess why I was warning you about taking your 'cow' along on your adventures... is because, personally, I think she is your most vulnerable animal.

I personally admire how you handle yourself sexually... and I was puzzled at you reacting to 'freak,' honestly. I thought for sure your monkey was going to come out and say 'really? wanna play another freak game? It goes like this...'

But... he hit a sensitive spot... and like Cobra said, it's good to know it is there (even though it hurt).

Maybe you will understand all this 'bouncing' I've been doing... through this entire process, I have run into, headlong, more sensitive spots inside myself than I could ever have fathomed. I would never label any of them 'good,' but there is nothing like a divorce, losing a dog (I had to find mine a good home, remember?), having to move, reinvent your life and your identity, to bring to the surface all those sensitive issues (FOO or otherwise).

Honestly, I thought I was someone so different... only to come to find that I was just very, very good at keeping all those issues buried and hidden... to the extent that I didn't even know they were THERE... I was completely and utterly baffled by things that would send me into a tailspin, and even more baffled by things that would not.

I'm sure it is easier to see it in me than in yourself (it always is). I love your posts, I love your adventures, I love your zoos and your recent explorations. But I also know that women, when they hold lots of anger inside, tend to turn that anger onto themselves (as opposed to men who tend to turn it out toward the world) through self-destructive behavior. It doesn't always FEEL self-destructive... but through that sense of failure and guilt that comes from divorce... (whether it was your 'fault' or not)... you unleash upon yourself the 'you' that was never healed in the first place. Make any sense? And it usually happens (at least as I've experienced it) when you least expect it, and in ways that you would never have expected.

You seem to know that... I'm just here to kinda confirm a lot of what Cobra is saying to you... and ask you to be a little more gentle and patient with yourself. You have lots of healing to do... and that is entirely OKAY.

Well... that post contained like absolutely no good or useful information... but... it does contain a giant HUG for you.