I guess we really do need to work through these feelings, or else they will show up where least expected, like our dreams.
Last weekend, after the recent confirmation of W's lies and treachery, I was angry but calm, in control, almost resigned. I held up well in front of my two little ones. But at one point as I was taking a shower I found myself crying uncontrollably all of a sudden -- like a little child. Not just a few tears, but a deep soul-wrenching cascade of grief, and my shower ended up being one of those long ordeals where I am water-logged at the end. I hadn't had a release like that since the weeks following the bomb.
I guess I find it easier at times to release my sorrow in the shower, where I tend not to be overheard. It just comes naturally to me in those times. Since the bomb, I have also taken a couple of long walks in the rain and did the same thing.
My W makes me out to be an emotional cripple, unfeeling and cold -- only capable of one emotion, anger. There was yet another instance recently where W would remark to me in our conversation that, "that's the most emotion I've seen from you in a long, long time." I can only roll my eyes.
It was always there -- she just never cared to look.
Anyone else pour out their hearts in the privacy of their shower?
