All Hope is lost/Help - Part 2

[Evie]

Hi all,

Back from my holiday, nice & bronzed... We had glorious weather and a great holiday.

I felt more relaxed and comfortable as the holiday wore on. I didn't go with any expectations. H had his moments but I didn't let them get to me.

I handled one difficult situation quite well. H slept one afternoon and I took the boys out to an ice castle, I was out with them for nearly 3 hours and was shattered when I got back. The next day H tried it again to go to bed and sleep, I was really cross, so I told him I was annoyed as I had had the boys the previous afternoon and hadn't had a nap and was just as tired as he was. He offered to take the boys immediately, but I had already decided that I was going to say something to H and then take the boys out for a cup of hot chocolate.

The next day I skied with another family and ended up being out for most of the day. It wasn't planned like that, but H was angry when I got back b/c he had wanted to ski with the boys and couldn't on his own, so he had stayed in the chalet with the boys. I think the rest did them all some good. I apologised when I got in (once). I refused to let his mood get me down (180) His mood improved later that evening. Things were much better after that.

We managed the boys well between us. I did a few 180's in regards to how I have acted on previous holidays. I hope I came across to H as confident and assertive rather than aggressive. I looked after the money and H seemed happy for me to do this.

It was difficult with H sleeping so close to me, I wanted to reach out and touch him and I desperately wanted to ML. Part of me thought if he wanted to ML he would and as he didn't make a move towards me, I believed he didn't want too, on the other hand, he may have wanted to but didn't know how to make a move. I just couldn't face the rejection, so I didn't touch him either.

I emailed him this morning and thanked him for inviting me on the holiday, that I'd had a lovely week and enjoyed his company and spending time with him. His reply was:

'Yes - thankyou for coming. It was really good for the boys and was good for us to get away from School and work. Weather was exceptional.

I was so pleased that you were able to see S2 ski and to be able to ski with him.

Despite the circumstances between you and I-I did feel bad in December when I took the boys that you were not there to see S2 ski-I know how much it would have meant to you. Despite that I do believe that you didn't miss out on much due to the fact that S2 only skied for 1 morning like he did all of last week-so you have seen the best of him-and it was good that both of us were there.

I do hope that we are able to do this once a year in the future for the boys'.

I was hoping he would say something a bit more personal/positive, I know that's having expectations, but I had hoped the holiday had done us some good and bought us closer together, that he may be wavering? I guess the positive is he feels we can go on holiday again as a family.