I just want to make it better. . .

[seekpeaceofmind]

Everything that is happening in my sitch right now is in my own head. Out of nowhere, negativity can come in and take hold of me. I'll go along for a few days feeling ok and then b/c sad and down for no reason. It's not like there is any change or behavior that I am reacting to. It's just my own thoughts. Part of it is the fact that there is no change - I'm not expecting anything, but it is still hard when I feel the gaps in my life from my H's absence. Every night when I go to bed, every day with NC. I miss him and I'm mad at him at the same time.

Sometimes I feel stunned to realize that he is not the faithful person that I thought he was. It's not that he is cheating on me with another woman, but he is not faithful to our M vows and I never thought that he was the type to walk away. Even though I knew he had 2 failed Ms before me, I thought it was b/c he married those women for the wrong reasons and that they had issues that made it reasonable for him to leave. Now, I am wondering if this is just the way he is - unable to make and keep a commitment.