Wandering Poster is Counting Down

[Dom R]

Dom, I really appreciate what you are saying. I have been givig her space, and really, not being negative for a long time. To stop all of my objectionable behavior, I think I would have to stop breathing, and I am not prepared to go that far. If I get even an inkling that she is interested, I will go on, but things can't be like this.

I know where you're coming from.
believe me.

you're still making excuses, though.
Maybe partly my fault, becuase I stated my point so strongly.

thing is, though... there's the whole "breathing" thing and then there are real issues.
your rolling your eyes, etc. is a Real Issue.
and a MAJOR one.
This isnt just "a little habit you do". This is a major thing. IN that I suspect it's just the tip of the iceberg in how you react when your wife gives you her opinion.

If you want things to start improving, you need to go from not just "stopping the negatives", but actively being positive about your wife, and her opinions!

If I get even an inkling that she is interested, I will go on, but things can't be like this.

in some ways, you're "in control". You're the one who controls whether things go on like this.

It's all on you. And the "it" is big.

If you do nothing, and wait for her to show interest.. she wont show interest.

If you do "a little", and wait for her to show interest.. she wont show interest.

It sounds like you have years of mistrust, resentment, and other bad feelings between you two (at least from her side).

Think of all that, as like a wall.
Not a plaster house wall.
Not a brick wall.

But a CASTLE WALL, 20 feet high, and 6 feet thick.

Do you think hitting it will do any good?
Do you think even a sledgehammer is going to do any good?
not a bit.

You gotta bring in the SIEGE engines, or you may as well just "go home now", so to speak

"Mr. Heat... Tear Down That Wall!"



I know you are majorly discouraged at this point. It's been a long, tiring time. you want to give up, based on "time put in".

thing is... that time may as well not have happened at all. What you did, wasnt enough. You could have spent 10 years doing it, and not gotten anywhere, becuase you werent using the right tool.


Even 20 feet castle walls, can fall.
Thing is.. you have to get serious about it. You have to prepare for it. you have to bring the right tools. and you have to mentally prepare for, "this isnt going to happen in an hour; it's going to take days".

(or in your case, "this isnt going to happen in [whatever time you thought it would]: it's going to take 10 times as long. But it CAN happen")


When you have gotten rid of all the "real" problem behaviour on your part, and you've done it for 3 months.. and still there is zero change on her part... then you'll know that it's over.

Everyone makes mistakes from time to time.
Everyone makes slip-ups.

The reason why I'm posting this right now, is that I dont think you even realize what you have been doing this whole time.

slip-ups in a plan, are inevitable. it sounds to me, however, lieke you werent on the right plan to start with, though.


Because you've been painting your wife as "the unreasonable one", and so allowing yourself to ignore what she was complaining about, rather than looking past the ranting on her part, to the kernel of truth in her complaints.