First time post; been reading everyone's stories to find similarities. Your posts have been helpful-and so full of life,in spite of the crap, that I've been following along. I applaud how you're playing this out!!
Re the I luv u text -- take it like a friendship, mass bradcast text and you can't go wrong. Now its up to him to clarify if he wanted you to take it more seriously. Let him wonder if you got his message right.
Don't move too fast - he's got to figure out what to do about the OW and baby that he has to raise with or without you. So many complications. He's got to prove he's worth it!
My story: Married 21 yrs. 2 kids to mr wonderful; he meets OW on business trip 5yrs ago. Says it wasn't even on his mind to cheat but does, continually for the next 3 yrs sees here almost every fri. night. He is 48, I'm 47, she's 30. I know -almost 20 yr difference, she could be his daughter. He looks younger than his years -- very fit, muscled,sexy. I can saybthe same about myself. We were seen as the perfect couple - keeping it together all these years. Traveling together, owning our own business together, etc. Maybe too much together?? He says no everything was fine ; but I did sense a little too much routine for his taste and allowed him the freedom to do his thing while I took the weight of dealing with kids, home, etc. Now this OW arrives and he falls big time!! Phone calls every day, 3x a day. He kept it real secret for 3 yrs., I didn't nag about late Friday nights to give him a night out with the boys ha. Finally figured something wasn't right, asked, was told about the OW. Was totally devastated, thought my world was ending. And to top it off he couldn't, wouldn't say a convincing apology!! Was cold with me, was detached during the crying, hysteria etc. Didn't say he wanted to leave but didn't plead to stay. Got Michelle's book and gave him pages to read about infedelity and how to put us back together. Was nonchalant. I left house for a week; made him leave for a week (he went to her); he begged to come back and give her up to work on the marriage. 8 months and many lies .later I catch him meeting her. I am devastated, again, I leave with kids for 2 months. Much sadness for both of us, he wants us back, we return and pledge to work it out. 3 months later I find out she has moved to another state. Should be time to rejoice, but I'm suspicious because he never mentioned it. I investigate, and sure enough sh'e been backnto see him. So here we are now. He just returned from a 2-day business trip where I find she flew out to meet him. On his return to our house he found his clothes thrown into garbage bags waiting for him in the garage.
I'm employing DB's last resort technique - no more niceness or contact unless about the kids (10,14). This is very hard as we have a business to run. The kids no we have a serious disagreement but they don't know what it is (he tells them he's going to take care of what's making mommy mad, I tell them daddy has been disrespectful and has to go until he changes his behavior). Sounds like there is a light at the end of the tunnel but I don't know. Why can't he let go of this OW? I know he loves me and the kids; can't believe he would really lose us for her. When we talk he tries to keep the convo going but I cut it off as quickly as possible, sound upbeat and busy evennwhen I'm crying inside. He always sounds sad, but has not asked to come back, like he's accepted his lot and is taking his punishment. His reactions continue to surprise me. I think he's in midlife crisis, he of course doesn't - young chik, failing business, unhappy about not being able to do crazy things - like ride across the county on a solitary bike ride --yes this is one of his desires. Damn when I write this it really sounds crazy with a capital C!! And I sound like an idiot who should really run for the hills -- but my heart says no, its important to keep our family together and I do love him.
How can we rebuild facing so many lies over so much time? He says he didn't realize it has been this long the affair has been going on!! How will I know when he is not lying anymore? I swear this behavior is new -the previous 17 years were a dream, he even admits this. Can someone have too much happiness?!
