In this case, I took FIB to be trying to explain to his wife why he did not get her anything for V-Day.
I agree with all you are saying Bill but for the record:
Trying to "explain"? Has it EVER done anyone any good? Has it EVER done me? I can of course only answer for me.
Why go down cheeseless tunnels?
In fact, explaining things is not only a cheeseless tunnel but there is a spring loaded trap at the end.
Quote:
He compared HIS feelings this year to HER expressed feelings last year. I don't think his intent was to throw anything in her face.
No he did not intend to, but the result was the same.
Quote:
I do think that MANY of us on this board wait WAY too long before we ever speak the TRUTH to our spouses about how much what they do hurts us. Truth, as long as it's not motivated by the desire to bring pain, can not be a bad thing in my opinion.
Agree 100%, but the truth is not cut and dry. They have their own truth do they not? Therefore hearing our truth, vice their's, may indeed be painful for all.
Why beat ourselves up for no reason?
BTW, I would LOVE to have that conversation with xW! But know what? Glad for ME I never did.
Also, for the record I am not suggesting that FIB do anything different right now. Only that he accept whatever positives he can find and use them as opportunities for growth.
He has to deal with W the rest of his life.
Quote:
But if you're really allowing that "back door" to remain ajar, you're going to have to clean up some things in your heart. If you really ARE willing to acknowledge an honest effort on her part, you can't be in a state that causes you to see everything she does as manipulative.
