Here's something I thought I'd share with all of you. I am not one to put much stock into dreams, or at least not as a premonition of what is or will be. But in the last year I've had some doozies -- one I had last Spring was quite prophetic. That one involved me searching for my W and going into the home of another man who turned out to be an OM (not the OM in reality, but just some nebulous stranger). I remember the dream led to me confronting this arrogant OM in his kitchen about the whereabouts of my W -- to which this stranger told me she no longer wanted to see me and was now sharing his bed. I approached the guy to forcibly move him out of my way but he stood his ground and extended his extremely long arms out to me to keep me at a distance with the knuckles of his fists. Clearly having the reach on me, the guy defied me, smiling, and said there was nothing I could do but to leave. Now I am not a violent man, no more than any other average person, but curiously in this dream I whipped out a revolver and held it to this OM's temple. This unnerved the guy to back away from me and let me pass. After this point I don't quite recall what happened in the dream, as all I could remember was waking up crying uncontrollably. Eventually I went back to sleep relieved that it had just been a bad dream.
Later that day I told W some of the dream. I did not elaborate but told her it was a nightmare where she was unfaithful to me, that there was this other man and that I woke up crying and terribly shaken. (I mentioned nothing about the disturbingly violent action I took in the dream regarding a handgun.)
In retrospect, I now try to reflect on W's reaction to what I told her. Curiously, I don't recall that W said anything to me at all to assuage my apparent subconscious fears for her fidelity. I got no real sympathy from her as I recall, just the odd silence of W blowing it off as a mere dream. (Curiosity of late prods me to ask W what was really going through her mind when I shared with her how this dream upset me so.)
Last night I had another dream that startled me awake in tears. I had a dream that W came to me out of the blue and told me that she loved me. Upon hearing these words I in this dream broke down crying. W asked me why I was crying, and I told her it was because I had not heard those words from her lips in over a year.
At this point I awoke from the dream with tears in my eyes, sat straight up, and then realized it was only a dream. But this was the opposite of relief. This time I was so wracked with sorrow that my dream was not real that I re-began my tears and cried myself back to sleep. This is the second time I have cried so very hard since last week's solid confirmation of the PA.
