Ok,...i tried this last week, but got all jumbled up...
I have posted my sitch on here before but dont know how to link..but to make a long story short..I have been S for about 18 months now, but just cant seem to 100% pull away from W. I am very close and have been on the brink, but something pulls me back a bit....dont know if its God or what..
I have watched my W date about 3 guys or so during this S...all of them have ended...the most recent today..now I have only in the last 2 weeks LRT-ed her and she has gotten a little upset with me..oh well, right?
I have done the wrong things for so long that seemed right...and I know DR says try something that u think wont work..does this seem right by not answering her calls?
Like I said, I have for the most part finally after almost two years GAL. I dont date, but dont wish to. I feel I have to make myself happy alone before I can even entertain any other woman.
I have my kids whenever I want, and we are cordial with each other..she wants us to be good friends..but she is still so stuck in what our past was like, she wont even entertain the prospect that I am a different man than I was.
I can fill in any blanks you have. Some advice and/or encouragement would be most helpful. Thanks.
i just dont understand how I can feel on most days that I have moved on..then other days get so angry and depressed that she doesnt want our M back..i know its been almost 2 years but cmon...maybe she cant let go of the anger..I have sensed that in her.
Like I said, she cant seem to find the greener grass she was looking for, so I guess that is my fault too..and probably the reason she still shuns me a little.
Tonight, she asked to bring dinner to her..I agreed because I didnt eat either...I know I shouldnt have..but it was a nice friendly encounter..I didnt do anything but act as a friend.
Its funny though, she tries to hide things because she doesnt want to hurt my feelings..WTF?..why would she care? Right?
Oh well...saturday nights..its the nights that get me the most when I am like this. Thanks to anyone who is reading this..just needed to vent.
i just dont understand how I can feel on most days that I have moved on..then other days get so angry and depressed that she doesnt want our M back..i know its been almost 2 years but cmon...maybe she cant let go of the anger..I have sensed that in her.
Like I said, she cant seem to find the greener grass she was looking for, so I guess that is my fault too..and probably the reason she still shuns me a little.
Tonight, she asked to bring dinner to her..I agreed because I didnt eat either...I know I shouldnt have..but it was a nice friendly encounter..I didnt do anything but act as a friend.
Its funny though, she tries to hide things because she doesnt want to hurt my feelings..WTF?..why would she care? Right?
Oh well...saturday nights..its the nights that get me the most when I am like this. Thanks to anyone who is reading this..just needed to vent.
Chevelle,
I find it interesting how WASs think the grass is greener... As I told my exWAW, you are just exchanging one set of issues for another.....
As for your sitch, I would focus on GAL... I would get out and make some female friends... Even if you are still crazy in love with exW, you must broaden your horizons.... She WILL notice...
The aspect I could personally not deal with is if someone wants to leave because they think the grass is greener or whatever... They leave, they are gone. Someone here wrote, “Gone is gone...” I would have waited the rest of my life for my exWAW to deal with her issues... As soon as she brought someone else into the M, it was history...
In my case, I could have ran off with another woman on several occasions.... I would never be the type to even ponder it... When I am married, I do not see other “options.” I guess I am an odd bird in that way...
I wish you all the best.
Take Care,
RMG
"The bad things in life open your eyes to the good things you weren't paying attention to before." from "Good Will Hunting"
I have made some female friends....funny, she is always asking me if I talk to anyone or am meeting them...
I was over at W's house tonight visiting my kids...she seems lonely tonight. I was playing with the kids and she gave me this happy almost cunningly loving smile at me....so of course I asked, "What was that for?"...she said.."Nothing." Maybe it was because for a moment we were a family again?? Heh.
Not that I expected her to say anything...just the way she did it made you think...yeah right..lol.
So..back to GAL...and I do fine by not seeing her (and I have to in order to see and take my kids)...but when she has no BF in the picture..I seem to get more phone calls and TMs...i know...I know..
And I understand you point, too RMG, about "They leave, they are gone..", Even though it seems that way, once in a while, I see the W that fell in love with me...oh well.
Just gotta go 100% with GAL and PMA...95% must not be working well enough. Thanks again...
I have made some female friends....funny, she is always asking me if I talk to anyone or am meeting them...
I was over at W's house tonight visiting my kids...she seems lonely tonight. I was playing with the kids and she gave me this happy almost cunningly loving smile at me....so of course I asked, "What was that for?"...she said.."Nothing." Maybe it was because for a moment we were a family again?? Heh.
Not that I expected her to say anything...just the way she did it made you think...yeah right..lol.
So..back to GAL...and I do fine by not seeing her (and I have to in order to see and take my kids)...but when she has no BF in the picture..I seem to get more phone calls and TMs...i know...I know..
And I understand you point, too RMG, about "They leave, they are gone..", Even though it seems that way, once in a while, I see the W that fell in love with me...oh well.
Just gotta go 100% with GAL and PMA...95% must not be working well enough. Thanks again...
God Bless
Chevelle
Chevelle,
I think you are doing rather well. I know how tough that situation can be.
When my WAW had initiated the D proceedings, I wanted nothing more than to have her stop and work on our M. She was the love of my life...
She would say things like...... "If you had only..." "Why didn't you do ________ earlier....." "You need to just work on the house and take some time to be alone..." "Do you remember the movie the Notebook? How he worked on the house until she returned?" I think in the back of her mind, she would just waltz back into my life again...
I could not see myself living on that roller coaster or playing games... I wanted to be with her and that was it... If she did not feel that way, I felt I had to move on...
I made a decision right before she dropped the bomb... I would not let the past interfere with the present or the future... I have made a conscious decision each and every day to continue this...
I hope you continue on with GALing... Keep the exW wondering... Keep meeting new women... When she asks, keep giving her a little information... But not too much...
I pray God will guide you and give you His peace during this difficult time.
Go with God,
RMG
"The bad things in life open your eyes to the good things you weren't paying attention to before." from "Good Will Hunting"
I dont know why I still feel something for this woman. I mean, its been almost 18 months, and I still get a pull from her sometimes. Its like the point I feel I am truly moved on 100%, I get pulled back a little.
I have let God take over, and He has done tremendous strides in my life. I just get a thought or voice in my head that says.."She will come back, just be prepared for what you will feel like when she does.."
I dont know if that is God talking or my own concoctions...I guess I will know when the time is right.
I have let God take over, and He has done tremendous strides in my life. I just get a thought or voice in my head that says.."She will come back, just be prepared for what you will feel like when she does.."
I dont know if that is God talking or my own concoctions...I guess I will know when the time is right.
Thanks again and God bless u.
Chevelle
Chevelle,
I felt the EXACT same thing. However, you really need to pray for discernment. I have seen my friends who are in the same situation believe they should wait. They get "stuck." My personal feeling is if your spouse violated your wedding vows by D or PA, you are free to go....
I believe this desire to look back can be an attack of the enemy. If you are focused on your exW, you will never have happiness in the present. You can never move on and fully heal. Satan is robbing you of feeling the joy and happiness God has for us.
I am not saying where this is coming from in your sitch. I just wanted to bring up the possibility that little voice could be Satan.
Back to how you would feel if she would come back; that is so very tough. If my exW would have came back before I met my W, I may have considered it. As my friend Teresa says, “A woman has to take a number.” She would have had to wait in line. Also, she would have to agree to a monogamous relationship, weekly counseling and the two of us living apart for the first year before I would even ponder it.... All I can say is she really blew it....
At times, I really felt like Job.... Wondering how much more I could handle..... I praise God He gave me strength to make it through that time... Like Job, He has now blessed me so abundantly...
Take Care,
Rich
"The bad things in life open your eyes to the good things you weren't paying attention to before." from "Good Will Hunting"
Looking back at your posts, I realize you are S not D... So, I should have referred to her as your W...
If you are having contact with your W, I believe the "pull" you feel could also come from your her feeling you have 100% moved on... She probably senses that... and does things in attempt to draw you back in a bit.... That is good.... Let her try to do that... As you know, you need to keep detaching and focusing on GAL...
I think if you keep moving away and moving on, she may come around... This is a waiting game.... You will need to decide if or when it is over...
Take Care,
RMG
Last edited by RMG; 02/18/0803:53 PM.
"The bad things in life open your eyes to the good things you weren't paying attention to before." from "Good Will Hunting"
Thanks again..RMG..you are definitely wiser than me on this..and I thought I have dealt with this well enough.
I guess as a human, Christian or otherwise...we hold on to familiarity and security. While my W is certainly not the woman I married and fell in love with, she is still there in spurts.
I have noticed she seems to have gone wild..like MLC maybe, but certain signs I feel dont show that, but I think its what it is...maybe thats why I hold on.
I know what u mean, right now in that state of mind shes in...I wouldnt want her back without a lot of talking and time. Im learning patience, but I dont think its for her, but for me to let God correct me. But I miss the family life and security, no doubt.
Thanks again, RMG..I said that already..its nice to hear from those over the hump with this.
