Oh my, you're a runner? Oh, I respect that! Can't do it, but I can respect it from afar!!! Like I said, I have to be in a class..it keeps me honest. If I were out on my own for a run, well...I'd shave off lots of distance and call it "good enough."

My "short" story? BWAAAAHAHA (that was intended to be one of those ridiculous types of laughs)
Is there such a thing here?

I will make it as concise as possible:

Married 20+ years (I was kinda young when I got married)
Ups and downs like all relationships, but further down for him, I guess than I ever imagined. He never told me, he says he tried but if he mentioned the slightest issue to me I would act like it was over between us. So, he stopped mentioning and ate lots of resentment over the years.

I won't go into the various people that have come and gone within this relationship \:\( as to make this story shorter.

He moved out with a friend (male) in Oct. 2004. He was gone a couple of weeks. He called me and wanted to come home, and did. We went to counseling and it somehow ended up that the counselor thought he had way more things to discuss than I did, so she told me to stop going for a bit. I realize now I should have never gone along with that. He went to C alone for quite awhile, then quit saying that he didn't think it was going anywhere. In the meantime, we were trudging along.

In the fall of '05, he told me he wanted to go back to the C. I was happy, as I though that meant that we were on the healing track. Wrong. He finally 'fessed up and said that it was because he found himself looking at apartments and it scared him.

Oct. '05 he moved into his own place. He wanted to get himself together. He signed a 6 month lease as if to prove this were the truth.

We had pretty much constant contact, I thought. I mean, we never really went more than a couple of days without him being here.

In Jan of last year we really got close to reconciling. He had me over to his apartment for the first time ever, and it seemed that we were really moving in the right direction.
In Feb I got a little over anxious and started questioning "where are we? What are we doing? Where is this going?" and he got angry and said that I could never just let things happen, that I always had to push. So, he said he was done.

It took a long time to recover from that.

Eventually we started moving in the right direction, again, but each time we got close he would back away. I think I gave him an ultimatum in the summer, so he filed. He says now that he didn't know what else to do; that something needed to change and he didn't know how else to change it.

We were the weirdest almost divorced couple you would ever see. Somehow those papers changed a lot and we were able to become friends again...not that we weren't before, but somehow better.

Still though, we would get so close then he would back away again.

All the time we were going to all of our meetings for the D.

In Jan. we went to mediation. We hashed everythng out and it was all done except for the court date. Court was scheduled for this Tues., as a matter of fact.

On Monday of last week he was supposed to go to his L's for the paperwork and I guess instructions for court. I opted out of court. No thanks!
He called me and said he had the stuff, could we talk about it. I really didn't want to look at all those papers again, but I agreed.

On Wed. he came over and said that he asked for a delay. He could only get 10 days, so now the D is scheduled for the 29th of this month.

He also took this opportunity to lay a BUNCH of stuff on me that I am not sure I wanted to know. Just things about the last couple of years that he had been lying about. He said it was why we would get so close and then he would bail; It was because he knew he had to tell me the truth about some things.

He said he wanted to "try again," but could make no promises. He was hoping for a fresh start.

It's been quite a week for me, as you can see.

Today we went out for lunch and a movie. We had to stop by his place for a bit before he brought me home, and unfortunately I lost it once again. I don't know if I have it in me to keep doing this. He can only offer me so much at this time, and I am scared that it just isn't enough. Plus, I need time to process all of the stuff he laid in my lap last week. I am not doing well at it.

He wants all to be well and good and happy, and I think my emotional outbursts will scare him off before I ever get the chance to make a decision anyway.

I cried all the way home, and that was about an hour ago. SO that is the up to the minute synopsis for you.

Ugh. Now, I have a term paper due on Friday that I have not even begun. So, if you find me making any more long posts like this, please be kind enough to say, "get back to work!" \:\)

And, don't keep Mer too tied up. She is kindly helping me sort through all of this mess! \:\) She is about the only person who can have me in tears one moment then laughing hysterically the next.

Off to figure out this term paper mess. I really just want to crawl under a blanket and cry for the next week instead, though. \:\(

Please tell me it is possible to pump out a paper in 5 days. Please, please, please. I need to believe it is possible!