Well, I'm off for another business trip. More miserable than the last time. It's sad because I'm not happy at home and I'm more unhappy when I'm gone. I'm keeping up a good face for the kids and the W, but I'm not sleeping well and I'm really depressed.
I think having her in the same house is going to be harder than I thought. It's a constant reminder of what I want, but can't have. I so wanted to grab her and give her a big hug and a kiss. It's all I can do to restrain myself.
woog, i know exactly how you feel. living together is a real test of patience. has not been the greatest of weekends for my pma.
m-54 w-44 children-4 bomb-sept 21 2007 t-21 m-20yrs bomb-sept 23 2007 divorced but not giving up hope, not yethttp://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubb...rue#post1224023
Woog, HAve a good trip....I know how you feel. All I can say is I know that I am heading toward a seperation (maybe divorce) but I have accepted that my W has a problem. I think I started feeling better when I finally accepted the fact that it was not neccesarilly my fault. Yes we have faults but they can be worked on and is not grounds for divorce in my opinion. I know I will struggle when I move out and I may be the one writing that I can not sleep. Finally, I know it's against all DB rules but why don't you just give her a hug. DB also says to monitor your results. As far as I can tell, things are not going in the right direction so change something.
If you are really feeling depressed.. are you on any meds for this? If not, you may want to consider speaking to your Dr. about how you're feeling. Just a though but it's completely up to you.
I have to go.. D2 has awoken and is crying for Daddy.. again.. Can someone please tell me when this nightmare will be over?
I'd suggest reading a book like hope for the separated by chapman or listen to the KLA cd's. You have to keep up the PMA and this helps. Perhaps read 5LL's by Chapman also. With her in the house, you could speak her love language without going overboard.
Also, do what I do a poor job of, find something to do when you aren't working. You have to find something. And I'd suggest find something small to look forward to. Go out for coffee, catch a movie, just something simple. You don't need a life altering event to GAL. Just anything. If you have little things each day to look forward to it helps puts you in better spirits. It isn't easy and often I just don't want to do it. But you have to do it. It's the only way. Cannot just sit, wait, and be miserable. Heck 5D and I cleaned boat Saturday...at least WAW wasn't the dominating thought for an hour. Of course 5D starts with remember when you and mommy and I went fishing, blah blah...after 15 years together everything is going to be like that I suppose.
We are all together in this. Most of us feel depressed (and some of us don't even admitt it).
You are such a great person and what you are facing and the way you are dealing with it makes me wish some other man I know had some of your qualities.
I just sort of cracked a bit in my hotel room. I missed my kids so I called home and the W answered. I didn't say much, but asked for my kids. I told them all that I love them and miss them in turn. Then I couldn't stop the tears.
I takes a lot for me to admit I cried. I'm a big guy and I never cry. Now I'm a freaking mess and I have a dinner to go to tonight.
woog, don't worry, i have shed many a tear the last 5 months. i am not embarrassed to say so. when your heart is breaking the tears will come. heres a virtual hug, take care. your kids know you love them and miss them. hold onto that love. try to put that pain aside, have a good dinner. i pray for you often. hang in there.
m-54 w-44 children-4 bomb-sept 21 2007 t-21 m-20yrs bomb-sept 23 2007 divorced but not giving up hope, not yethttp://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubb...rue#post1224023
There is nothing wrong with breaking down in tears once in a while. It is so hard to detach our emotions from something we care so much about (family).
Be strong on the trip and you will see your kids soon.
Woog - if you didn't break down, then there's a problem It happens to all of us ... even 15 months later. Even today. You're not alone. Remember ... the pain is worth the prize.
Me - 43 and She -36. No kids. Married 7 yrs - Together 14 yrs
