I've been in a relationship for almost a decade but I still remember what it's like to be single, and I have tons of single friends. Cobra may believe what he wishes but times ARE changing. Have changed. There'll always be a market for doe-eyed virgins but it's not a necessity even to be married well, if that were your goal. Education, intelligence, manners, and money, not necessarily in that order, are a pass to pretty much anything, regardless of number of sexual partners.
Not talking from experience here. Not at all. ;\)
That's what I was trying to express but rather lamely due to the fact that I was being defensive. It's especially true amongst middle-aged single folk. He might consider what his actions would be if he were single and met a woman who in every way met his mother's definition of high-status female except for the fact that she just happened to be a freak in bed. My supposition would be that instead of dumping her he would be popping Viagra like crazy in an effort to keep her.
However, I do value Cobra's insight because his POV is different from other's on the BB. He made me realize that I am to some extent re-enacting the class issues in my parent's marriage in my sex life but he has it all backwards. My mother was the one from a blue-collar background who gained social status through education and marrying my ancestors-came-over-on-the-Mayflower father. She was the one who because she cared about appearances and upward-mobility encouraged me to keep my legs crossed and not give out the milk for free and dress like the wife of a Republican politician. My father "taught" me that I had the right to act like a free-spirit as long as I upheld certain core values. For instance, he would have supported my decision to divorce because I did my best to care for my children and I was honest and forthright. I realize that the reason that I am angry at my 2bx is that I am blaming him for the fact that I know that I haven't acted in a manner that my father would respect since my separation. Driving around in red and white Corvettes with wolves when I didn't get my homework done. Bad, bad monkey. That's why I am so anxious. I feel like some punishment is going to fall down on me from above. It's kind of like I'm "allowed" to have sex like a boy but only if I follow the rules of honor that boys from my father's social class have to follow. The problem is that the message he also gave was "otherwise I'm kind of low-class like my mother". So, in a sense, I've been trying to f*ck my mother's value system by f*cking intelligent assertive upwardly-mobile men from impoverished backgrounds and thereby be better able to accept the part of me that is like my mother. For instance, I've quite often had people ask me if I was afraid to start my own business. Really, I wasn't and that was because of the part of me that is like my mother. There are reasons why I wasn't able to empathize with my mother when she would tell me that I was lucky to be forced to take ballet class because when she was a girl she had to go down to the corner store and pick up tampons and the racing form for her mother. I loved my semi-bawdy cuddly Rosie the Riveter grandmother and I loved my nice guy cuddly gentleman father and everything my non-cuddly mother stood for operated in rejection or opposition to them and I found it difficult to love or respect her. However, when I operate in relation to an upwardly-mobile African-American man, I gain acceptance of my mother's value system because I can feel how important it is to him not to be viewed as "raggedy" and I can sense the struggle to achieve his current status against society's oppression. I understood that it was important that "we look good together" when I was dating GP and I tried not to let him down. Also, it really is the case that I am more sexually attracted to men who are bold like my mother but I am more likely to love a man who is sweet like my father. That is why I want to find one who is both.
"Tell me, what is it you plan to do with your one wild and precious life?" - Mary Oliver
