Wandering Poster is Counting Down

[Dom R]

Dom, I see what you are saying, and I agree to an extent, but I have really tried not to feed the negativity. I know I do sometimes, but there is a lot more coming from her than from me.

you seem to be making excuses.
"Well, she's worse than I am!"
how bad she is, doesnt matter, in some sense. in my opinion, you should barely even mention her side of the negativity, until your side is zero.

Last night I gave her a little "side" hug, and said "Happy Anniversary". She said, "Happy Anniversary to you to", in about the flattest, deadest, coldest, voice I could imagine. That was it. I know it took two of us to get to where we are, but for a long time there has only been one of us interested in any different.

Until you can drop pretty much EVERY type of objectionable behaviour to her... she's probably going to pick on even one thing you keep doing "wrong", as justification to not put effort into the marriage.

DB things really haven't made much difference, she's a WAW except she still lives here.

See above.

From what i read, it takes a Very Long Time, of consistent effort.
and while you've had a lackluster marriage for a long time... i dont think you've been "DBing" for that long, comparatively speaking.. right?

and... how long have you been doing it *well*?

maybe you shoudl start the clock, from when you start doing it consistently well, without slipups. that might change your frame of mind.