Not much has changed in the last several days, but I am feeling better today. Been struggling with a sinus cold.

I've had very little contact with H. He is supposed to pick up the boys sometime today and bring them back Monday night.

H did call me last night though, started talking about the R and asking if it was too late to work things out after admitting he talked with OW again.

I didn't answer his question and instead asked, "Since it's out in the open now and there's no sense in hiding anything anymore, did you really at first tell her not to call you again?" H said in a shaky voice, "I told her I thought it might be best if we didn't talk anymore."

Big difference. So that could explain why she continued to call him. H, perhaps, unintentionally intentionally left the door open for her.

Anyway, I mentioned to H that I had a form which he and I needed to go over together and initial and sign. It's the parenting order agreement which basically says we agree to be civil in front of the children, give appropriate notice to each other, blah blah blah.

A pause then H quietly said, "Ok. So does this mean we're going through with the D then?"

A pause from me, then I calmly and carefully said, "I don't know if you're moving back into the house with us or not. You haven't given me YOUR decision. There are only two weeks left before we are due to go into court, and I am just making sure that I am prepared. That's all."

H said, "I can't believe you'd still let me move back in."...... ...... Then he said alright, that he would call when he was on his way to get the boys, then we said goodnight.

Sometimes I wonder, when H is asking if it's too late to work things out, is he referring to the M or to the D/custody agreement?

"I can't believe you'd still let me move back in."......These words are haunting me. What do they mean?

Could it be possible, that H intentionally talked with OW again, then planned to tell me about it, hoping that I would get fed up and make the decision for him not to move back in? Would it be easier for him (less guilt) if I made that choice so he didn't have to?

Getting over a painful experience is much like crossing monkey bars. You have to let go at some point in order to move forward. ~ Joseph Campbell