... My husband told the OW that it was over on Feb 1 and since then has seen her once and text messaged her a number of times. It is really difficult to deal with.
No kidding.
Let's not forget one of MWD's Mandatory DON'Ts When DBing: Do not believe any of what you hear and less than 50% of what you see. Your spouse will speak in absolute negatives because s/he is hurting and scared.
In my experience, this has always been extremely difficult. I want to believe everything my H says to me, without ever having to doubt him or otherwise be suspicious.
When I put more trust into his words than his actions, the end result leaves me with hurt and disappointment.
In the beginning of my sitch (2005), my H called OW in front of me to tell her it was over. Found out he called her right back as soon as he left the house for work that same morning.
We've been S'ed for over 2 1/2 years now, D is in motion, and now H claims he wants to reconcile. H said he told current OW that it was over, he did not want to see her, and for her to not call him anymore. Several nights ago, H admitted that he had talked to her again.
H and I talked again a couple days after that, and his version of the "it's over" talk had changed. What he said to current OW was that he thought it would be best if they didn't talk anymore.
Both are totally different. One, "Don't call me anymore," and two, "I think it might be best if we don't talk anymore," with the latter leaving the door slightly ajar. After hearing H's story change, this now makes sense to me as to why OW has still been calling him.
Anyway, my whole point is to remember MWD's Mandatory DO's and DON'Ts When DBing (page 139). Follow them and live by them.
Getting over a painful experience is much like crossing monkey bars. You have to let go at some point in order to move forward. ~ Joseph Campbell
