I'm sorry if I was a bit rude in my responses to you. It just seems to me like your theories are similar to those held by late 19th and early 20th century male psychiatrists who chose to label the natural feminine submissive sexual desire to be f*cked as a sort of psychological disease. If a woman was in a sexless marriage and didn't react well to that she was labeled as "hysterical" because she was unable to be a happy little bunny living in a doll house with her St. Bernard husband like her better "adjusted" LDW neighbors. Frequently her monkey would then be electro-shocked into submission. I would like to continue this discussion with you but I wish that you would first re-read the chapter in Schnarch where he discusses the difference between "making love" and "f*cking" etc.
Since the urge to f*ck is essentially an aggressive tendency, when a sexual submissive expresses a desire to be f*cked she is essentially expressing a desire to have a violence acted upon her. Therefore, I can understand why men frequently find the behavior of a high drive sexual submissive quite confusing. That is why it is sometimes more "risky" for me to have sex with men who are not sexually experienced even if they are entirely nice people otherwise. Now, it is not the case that I have ever been molested/abused/raped but I have frequently let or encouraged men to straight-up f*ck me. If there was a video of one of my sexual encounters with FSG last weekend probably the only way you'd be able to tell that it wasn't a video of a woman being raped would be that at one junction he said "You like it like that?" and waited for my signal of "yes" and also by the fact that I'd be smiling afterwards. Now, if I was feeling very strong bunny/monkey/lioness and not very cow, I might be able to regard my male partner as just "a beer to be slammed" like BF sees himself in his encounters. However, lately, although my bunny is moving up rapidly she is still only at about 75% and my lioness actually took a hit post-separation and she's struggling down around 49%. My monkey is,of course, irrepressible and I'm lucky if I can keep her at 100% and not invading the other animal's cages and eating their fodder. I have been trying to keep my cow on a reducing diet but I think she and the monkey have formed some kind of unholy alliance in opposition to the zoo-keeper where the monkey sneaks into the cookie jar and shares with the cow.
Okay, the point I'm trying to get to is that, as BB and I were discussing on an earlier thread, even if you are fully self-aware you can't avoid basic human psychological reactions. If my lioness were strong, I might actually have the urge to smack a guy on the *ss after sex. When my monkey has full charge of the zoo, I often do things like kiss a man on the penis just to make him flinch and then laugh. If I was feeling weak bunny I might express a "need" to cuddle or seek some other sort of affectionate affirmation. Lately, I've been vibing fairly strong "bunkey" so my post-sex interactions go kind of like:
Mojo: (light-heartedly)Now I'm going to roll in for the cuddle.
FSG: I love it when you roll in for the cuddle.
Mojo: I know.
Let's say I had sex with a guy who wasn't down with the cuddling for whatever reason. If I was feeling strong it might go like:
Mojo: Rolling in for the cuddle.
Guy: No cuddle.
Mojo: (shrug)(light-heartedly) Are you aware of the fact that you are a dickhead? (which would probably either make the guy laugh and behave in the alternate appropriate manner* or cause him to tell me some terrible story about his last evil GF)
*alternate appropriate manner = casual light-hearted/joking validation instead of affirmative affection. Like a guy could say "You are cute and that was fun. Now go home."
What I am basically saying is that because women get much worse oxytocin hangovers after sex, IMO, men need to take a bit more responsibility for being the designated driver afterwards. Just like how that would be true if you were downing shots with a woman who weighed 50 lbs. less than you. If a man wants to f*ck me, he doesn't have to ask my father's permission and put a ring on my finger but he should try to be fairly consistent and responsible in his behavior before and after. That is, if he is signaling "I am fond of you" before sex, he should do his best to continue to signal that afterwards. If he is signaling "You are hot. Let's have casual sex." then he is at least responsible for signaling "Having casual sex is fun and you are hot." afterwards rather than putting some kind of post-aggressive-sexual guilt reaction on me when I'm trying to deal with my own pool of oxytocin in a mature manner.
Anyways, one of the points of the title of this thread is that when I heard FSG tell his brother that he had "his swagger back on", in a sense what I was hearing was that he had received "too much" affirmation/validation from having sex with me (due to the screaming/smiling combo)and was in full wolf mode. When a guy signals that I know that I am in for some jerky behavior. If I was really smart I would just go sequester myself in a room and do needlework at that point or something like that. At least I have achieved the level of intelligence at this point in my life that I know better than to say something like "What's wrong?" to a guy in that mode. Anyways, my assumption when I didn't hear from FSG earlier this week was that he was off doing wolf stuff and my best option was to just stick to my needlepoint room. So, I was feeling bad when he indicated that he had actually been in puppy mode. OTOH, I think it is entirely possible that he actually was in wolf mode and the puppy thing was just a defensive cover because he's actually pretty smart/experienced.
"Tell me, what is it you plan to do with your one wild and precious life?" - Mary Oliver
