Stu - I am in a similar situation. At first I was so angry at my wife for pulling away from that we could not talk without it escalating into an argument. I finally learned (slower learner that I am sometimes) that I was not going to be able to restore our closeness by yelling at her and pointing out all of her flaws. So I just completely backed off and agreed with whatever she said and did. This helped becuase she showed at least some interest in me and the marriage again. The problem with this, however, is that it will drive you nuts because you are really not in the relationship any more and your resentment at being shut out will build. I have recently begun initiating dicussions about our relationship. My wife clearly does not like these but she will participate at some level so long as I remain calm, stick to discussing my feelings and acknowlege her feelings when she decides to share them. My challenge is that I want to do this often and with intensity because, like most men, I like to fix things and it drives me crazy to just stand by and wait for things to fix themselves. But you have to be patient and pace yourself. I try to have no more than one relationship conversation a week and always try to refrain from the expression of anger, from judgment and from seeking to control. It's not easy but I think it is the only way as far as I have been able to discover this far.
