Serial EA/PA WAW/MLC

[BradNL]

What a wonderful day... Went as a family to the gym to get ambushed by a "we need to move forward with the D" talk from W after dropping the kids in their play hall.

Got the usual stuff thrown at me "We could have saved it two years ago, I'm high maintenance, we lead seperate lives, we both deserve a second chance, I think we both need to live alone, the kids would benefit from having two happy parents" etc. Validated her where I could, disagreed politely when things were about kids/money etc and how they should be dealt with. Didn't bring up the fact that I know she is dating and having sexual encounters, W would deny it again.

Also got the "we can live as roommates" "I talked to someone who is a mediator" and various other things that just echo the I decided this before and want you to agree. At this point I can't see any way that W will change her mind about our M, specially with her EA/PA's. I have turned myself around a lot since this started, faced the fact that I wasn't there for W and realised that W was never really happy in our M.

Did a lot of the standard reaction at the start of this, but have gotten to a point where I can deal with things mostly calmly. Doesn't mean it doesn't hurt, just means I'm not falling apart like I did 6 months ago. W is the one leaving, I am the one standing up and behaving responsibly. W is right that I will find someone who I can share my life with, don't know when in the future, but it will happen.

W seems to have accepted that I will probably keep the appartment and she will move out. Won't be an easy life for her, the balance of working full time vs having to put the kids in daycare ever day... Some of the assets are easy to do, I don't drive (don't ask) and W does, so the car is a no brainer etc. Have to sit down with W and do a more thorough budget plan. W even brought up the question of if I'd stay in NL! She thinks I'd leave my kids behind? Heard the standard divorce language coming from her too, obviously been reading up about it recently.

No way for W to start this moving forward before she gets her permanent residence sorted out here. I told W that people advised me to force the D early so that she would not be able to get residence, immediately wanted to know who said it etc... Told her that I knew I could do that but I didn't see the point, its just plain vindictive. My guess is that W will want to file after June (after my bonus), takes 3 months for an uncontested divorce to finalize here. Gives me until just after S5's birthday.

Will write more later, kids want to play a game.