Marsh - Sounds like we are in the same boat. I asked my wife how our marriage would be in I agreed that we would never have sex again and could convince her that I meant it. She said that would change everything and she would be nice to me again. I have no idea what to make of that other than that she has some real issues with sex, at least at this time. So, like you, I struggle with what to do about what amounts to infidelity on her part. It is the equivalent of infidelity so I know what you mean when you say that. That is why early on in these posts I brushed off the idea that she is actually cheating on me. What difference would that make? She already is in her heart and if she had another man then at least it would be tangible and she would have to admit it on some level. As is she gets to be unfaithful to me and then wrap herself up the comfort of justifying that based on her "need for space and healing" for how terrible it has been to be my wife for 25 years.
I know everyone says that you have to stand up for yourself. I see the posts above that say that my children would be better off if you refused to stay in such a marriage but I simply do not believe that. A separation/divorce would crush my children and probably my wife as well. What they have now is not great but they can at least go on with life thinking that mom and dad are going to work this out somehow. If someone walked up to me with a gun in his hand and said I am going to kill you or one of your children and you cannot stop me, without hesitation I would say kill me. So if I would give my very life for my children why wouldn't I give up my sex life for them? I have overcome enormous odds to many aspects of my life to achieve success. I simply cannot take another approach in my marriage and just throw in the towel. I guess for now I am just going to keep working on it and trying new approaches. Walking out is just not going to be one of them. I feel for you as I feel for myself and if I find at way out or even a way towards the way out, I will let you know. Hang in there. Esquire
