for all of you who have had to suffer through this what do you recomend? Did you stay and try to help or did you leave the house? I have stated this a lot in my other posts but my wife has told me whe wants me to pursue her, nbut every time i do she puts up another wall. If I dont she tells me its not going to work out. In a way the move wont be to weird because she has been away from home almost every night for a month. I just feel like this is her running away.
My wife moved out for the second time last week. The first time, i helped her move her stuff. She didn't have anyone else to help her and I got tired of her coming and grabbing stuff at her convenience. So, I helped her pack her stuff, and move it.
This time, I am not helping her. If she wants to go she is going to have to do it by herself. I will start packing her things and putting them in the garage, but as far as helping her move it to her new place, not this time.
The ironic thing is, she got her new place last week, and she has been staying here the whole time. She is sick and needs to be taken care of. I am sure as soon as she feels better, she is out the door.
As far as your W saying she wants you to pursue her, and then when you do she puts up a wall, that sounds to me like she doesn't know what she wants. Have you noticed anything that is working. It may be small, but look for something and then improve on that.
she likes it when i take care of her and do things with her. thats when she says she notises the changes and likes them. but she always cuts these times short. i would like to help her move ( take care of her) but she says she will be fine, so i guess I will just tell her if she needs help im here but is she dosent then ask for it i will just sit back.
she likes it when i take care of her and do things with her. thats when she says she notises the changes and likes them. but she always cuts these times short. i would like to help her move ( take care of her) but she says she will be fine, so i guess I will just tell her if she needs help im here but is she dosent then ask for it i will just sit back.
I'm sorry. This is the worst kind of mind game and I have zero respect for spouses who inflict this pain. It's so childish and it makes it hard to DB.
she likes it when i take care of her and do things with her. thats when she says she notises the changes and likes them. but she always cuts these times short. i would like to help her move ( take care of her) but she says she will be fine, so i guess I will just tell her if she needs help im here but is she dosent then ask for it i will just sit back.
I'm sorry. This is the worst kind of mind game and I have zero respect for spouses who inflict this pain. It's so childish and it makes it hard to DB.
Just rise above it and be friendly, but detached I guess.
Sorry to hear about your situation. My W and I separated on 9/29/07. For a long time she was really mean to me. She was also hitting the wine real hard which did not help matters.
I made a LOT of mistakes with the DB stuff. I still have a hard time with it.
Give her space, avoid relationship talks, no pressue and then she may come back to you. Based upon the success stories on this board, that seems to be the winning formula.
well she moved out. I did a 180 and instead of staying at home while she moved I went away for 2 days. I just came home to a gutted house. we had counseling today and my W thinks she needs this space so she can heal and mabey reatach. I told her fine. I just wanted to keep everyone up to date. i am just top drained top feel anything right now. muy house is a empty shell and i DONT EVEN KNOE WERE SHE LIVES. but she wants to date...this feels so damn unrealistic.
Sounds to me like she wants romance. Is there anything you can think of you'd like to do with her? A walk through some art galleries, a drive in the mountains...something where you two can talk and it seems romantic would win my heart.
M: ten years BS23, BS17 Step-SS20, SS16, SS14 Separated: August 07
ist almost sick some of the stuff she took and some of the stuff she didnt. I gave her a neckless for V day and is sits in its box on the coffe table in the liveingroom. keep in mind she is moving to mabey come back, but she dug throught boxes she hasent opened in years to grab stuff she never uses or books she hasent read in years. I see items i have given her throught the years and she has left them all behind. it didnt click in my head i guess when she realy stressed that she was only takeing stuff she had when we started dating ( 8 years ago. it seems she is makeing a realy good effort to not take anything that would remind her of me, and that seems a little sick. When I finaly madw my way into our bedroom i found a body pillow on the bed. I dont ever use body pillowes, but my wife does. Iit hase been on what ever we have considered a "guest bed" since we moved in 6 or so years ago. she uses it all the tome. I was rely confused
then whem i woke up this morning, and im not sure but think my parents gave it to her out first christmas together. this is something she uses a lot, something i never use but since i might have given her she leaves it behind on my bed. this is probably the worst for me. the uses it all the time, but now that she moved she dosent want it.
she gives hope with her words and destroyes it with her actions. I just dont know what to do
Since you don't know where she is staying, maybe she didn't take the body pillow because she's sleeping on a twin bed and doesn't have the room. I had to get a twin bed and I certainly wouldn't be able to use one comfortably.
As for the things you've bought her, they might cause too much pain. Both spouses suffer during separation. I am the one who left (because of physical violence between my spouse and my son) and I feel horrid. Just because she is the one who left, it isn't all peaches and cream. Please believe that!
M: ten years BS23, BS17 Step-SS20, SS16, SS14 Separated: August 07
