Last night (V day) was nice. I did not get her anything, no flowers, no candy. She got me a piece of choc & peanut butter shaped like a heart. I wished her a happy V day but no kiss or hug. She made us all Filet Mignon and it was great. There was no fighting, argueing, R talk, D talk. She tested me a few times but I did not let it rattle me. We then went to S12's basketball game together. I purposly did not sit by her to give her some space. I was already sitting and she did not come to sit by me but chose to sit with the girls. At half time she asked me why i was not sitting by her and i just said i didn't see any seats there and I was enjoying the company that I was with. She was texting almost the whole time. BTW: there was a picture of the OM/ER in the paper for he is a realtor in town. This is the first time I had seen a picture of him. UGLY!!!! It did not bother me at all until I woke this morn and thought about how she could think of leaving her family for this BOZO. She must have known that the picture was in the paper for she came in my room and asked for the paper late last night. She never reads at night. I talked to a psycologist that rents space from me last night for about one hour and she had some very incouraging things to say.
W is a child. That I will get through this and feel better soon. I will find someone else that will enjoy my company W may be drinking to much W is having a tough time making decisions W may have check out already and if she did I must work on accepting that. She wants to talk to wife. 90% of the time the LBS is happier then the WAW.
I feel good today.
BTW: W also lost her Mom this month.
Things are quite and mellow on the home front. I wonder if she is going to announce that she is going out tonight. I hope not but will hold the door for her.
I went out and bought myself a 42" HDTV for being such a good boy.
It may not be long before W realizes that this guy is a BOZO and that she is making a huge mistake. Keep doing what you are doing. As an outsider, I see signs of progress.
* She got you a token valentine's day gift. * Prepared a dinner for the family * Attended your son's basketball game
You may not see it, but clearly there are signs of progress here.
Well we went out to dinner last night with another couple and one kid each. Had a very nice meal. W tested me a few time during the meal but I did great.
She asked before we went out if the other couple "knew about us"? I veiwed this as a test and just said no for I did not want to get into a R talk. I wanted to say "I don't know about us" for the last time we talked about anything R related was 4 days ago when I told her I didn't like that MC and I was not interested in giving up and was not interested Seperation nor D. I did not want to bring that up again. i felt it was a little bit of a set back or test after talking to her best friend and her telling me that W was willing to try harder.
I am starting to think that my wife has a little bit of a drinking problem. It's not that she drinks alot, yet she did drink more than anyone at the table last night, it's just the way she acts after she drinks and everyone else is gone. Last night we go home and I asked my S12 to come sit with me in my chair and watch the BB game like we always do. She got really mad and tried to dig up old stuff from the past like, you never wanted to sit with me like that, never wanted to lay on the couch like that with me, you always said it was uncomfortable. She just kept going on and on. I told her i was sorry she felt that way and i was here for her now if she wanted to come sit with us. She stormed off to bed and when ii went to bed she gave me all kinds of assignments to find out where the kids were and stuff like that. The kids were in the basement playing guitar hero and having fun. Her delivery sucks.
One of the Counclers I spoke with last week asked me if she had a drinking problem and I said no. C asked how much and how often she drank and what did she act like after drinking. Well this C know W is just over 100 pounds I said she drinks everynight at 5PM about three beers and then seem to be depressed and attachs after. She said "yup" that is way to much for a little girl and drinking can be a real downer. Than she asked about family history of drinking, well that is not a good story.
I would really like to know your thoughts on this. I also hope she is really ready to give it another try. All together we had a nice night last night yet she feels intitled to land on me when we alone. Very sweet when around other people.
BT - You are doing great! You are keeping your cool and avoiding conflict with W. Nice work.
I went through the same sh*t with my W with the drinking. Every night it was the same bullsh*t. Couple of glasses of wine, then she would get down and then she would get a bit nasty. When we first separated she was hitting the wine real hard. Made it impossible to put things back on track.
Hopefully, this phase will pass. She is self-medicating. Recently my W has slowed down with the drinking and things are much more pleasant.
Nice work with the kidlets. Amazing that she was envious of the affection that you were showing your son.
I really think the ice is melting. Keep doing what u r doing.
Thanks bro. I never thought of W having drinking prob but you notice more things when you are cnot drinking yourself. Plus I am a happy, sleepy drunk not a mad one.
I am trying real hard to be cool. Give your D a big hug for me. Let get together soon.
W came to kids soccer game with us today. She was really pushing my buttons by being on the phone and texting the whole time. You guys would be really proud of me, I did not say one thing. One the way home she wanted to shop at Cold Water Creek. I hate to shop but S and I were so patient it was unreal. We were really good as we sat there and waited for an hr. I really bit my lip. Tonight she is cooking us dinner. Now she is out getting a Fax at the office. It really bothers me when she does this cause it is just an excuse to get out of the house and maybe (trying not to assume) a chance to call OM. But I don't think she is in close contact with him anymore but who knows. I am doing a great job detaching and we are getting along really well. The only thing that bothers me know is since I moved to the quest room I have not had one hug or kiss. I really miss that and really, really want to ML. I also have a funny feeling she has been talking to her lawyer but that is just a gut feeling, my gut is usually very good. How am I doing.
I am kinda bummed. I just found a note in her room to ask her Lawyer about:
Separation agreement & how long Kid's Custody What account bills get paid out of And if she should give me my grandmothers wedding ring back
I'm kinda bummed. I thought things were going well yet she is really trying to push my buttons. I have been really good. But I guess she is delaying calling her lawyer to ask these things or she can not get a hold of her? It has been a week since she said at MC that it was over. Your thoughts please.
any thougths on the above. I try not to think about it but also think she may have planted the note so i would notice it. Another test. What puplexes me is what is taking her so long to talk to lawyer. Maybe she is scared or just delaying to see how we are getting along and how long that will last before next big arguement. Your thoughts.
You are all great, I feel like we are tight friends. I enjoy and respect your thoughts.
There are so many up and downs.
Well I got back from my son's soccer practice at noon (after being gone since 8am) and she bought up all the subjects on the note as soon as I walked in the door, which makes me feel she wanted me to see the note last eve and bring them up myself so I could be the bad guy. She left the note right in the middle of her bed last night hanging out of a book that we were both reading. She explianed the things she was most purturbed with was that I was paying our bills out of the joint account (savings) and not my account. The second thing was my grandmothers ring which is very important to me, I failed to see her point that I gave that to her and it was hers. I just wanted her to know that it was very important to me I wanted to know that it was safe and I wanted to keep it in my room. Nothing else. She did not understand this. Only that I gave it to her and it was her's. After I thought about it she was right.
She also bought up the separation agreement and I simple listened, said nothing and told her I was not there yet and not ready to give up on our M. I had to remind her to calm down about 5 time. I asked for a time out so we could come back to this later but she kept going on. She was acting like a child.
She continued to say she called her lawyer 3 times last week but could not get thru to her. That is pure BS. I called a very well known lawyer ($400HR)last week and she picked up the phone and talked to me for an hr for free last week. She gave me great advise. I don't think she is calling her lawyer, either that or she is to cheap you use the retainer $$ hrs. She is acting like a 16 year old again.
I am trying so hard to leave her be and I am doing a good job at detaching but am having a hard time GALing unless you include my kids activities (soccer) and stuff GAL. Up until today we were doing great. She really is in great pain and i wish I could help her but I know I can not. Space, Space, Space this is hard to cause I just want to be around her. After our discussion she gave me a kiss and I put her to bed for a nappy for she was not feeling well. Pray for me, I think I am doing well but I am getting worn down.
Dude - You should be worn out, this is brutal. You are on the rollercoaster - big time. Putting her down for a nap -- yes you are dealing with a child. As far as GAL - we partied and played cards at the shop last night until 4AM. What was I thinking?
Give her space, take it one day at a time and tell her that you just are not ready to discuss these matters. What's the rush? Things are more stable, the kids are happier, things are cool.
She's just getting nervous and she is VERY confused.
