In 1.5 hrs gonna c H for first time in over a year

[Ophelia]

Bryan, you do sound alot like me. Conviction has pretty much become my middle name. I read a post on these forums once, don't remember who it was from, but the quote was, "If you're going to stand for something big, be prepared to stand long," and that's the motto I've been living by. Even when we haven't been in contact, I've still been standing for our M whether he knows it or wants to acknowlege it or not.

I hope both of our S will eventually have (another) change of heart and come back.

Anyway, the visit went surprisingly well! I was freaking out before he got here, literally pacing up and down the hallway, and I almost stopped breathing when I heard his car pull up outside.

But once I opened the door, it was all calm and casual and kinda like we'd never lost contact at all. We made some small talk....he noticed there was still peeling paint on the ceiling, and I said how the landlord only got the bathroom repainted, even though it's peeling in other rooms as well....stuff like that.

I got our M certificate, and put it on the chair near the door so he wouldn't forget it when he left.

I got the cat and brought her out to see if she remembered him, (and it seemed like she did, because usually she's terrified of strangers, but she didn't freak out and struggle out of my arms and run away).

Then there was a bit of a lull in the conversation so I just asked, "So, am I gonna get my photo or not?" He was all, "I dunno..." and looked kinda unfomfortable, so I just said, (I was trying to sound light hearted about it), "Awww, c'mon. Where else am I gonna find a male model to pose for my photo? Your face won't be in it. Consider it a birthday favour," and then he agreed!

So we went out into the back yard and I was saying, "Alright, get yer gear off," which made him laugh, and then I told him where to stand and stuff, and I got my photos and it was a little bit weird, but not nearly as weird as I'd thought it'd be.

Then we talked a bit about his training he's been doing, and then he said he'd hang around and talk me through his Kilimanjaro photos!

So for about the next 45 minutes, we were sitting right next to each other at the computer as he showed me all his photos, and we were getting along like two old friends who didn't have any animosity between us at all. He had to get to footbal training by 3:30, so he didn't have time to go through the Safari photos as well, but he just said, "We'll have to do those some other time".

Then as he was leaving, I gave him a hug, (he knew it was coming, because I'd said previously that I wanted to give him a congratulatory hug for making it to the summit of Kilimanjaro), and then we said goodbye, and he left.

I was expecting it to be so uncomfortable, and it really wasn't. I'm not putting too much stock in it, like I know we're not all of a sudden gonna get back together or anything like that, but seeing him has pretty much made my whole week complete. I surprised myself by not having to force back tears even once while he was here, or right after he left.

*huge sigh of relief*