CONTACTING OW/OW'S HUSBAND

[kikidee]

DMB.
I have read your post. It is a great story and I hope that the good times continue to roll. Although there are similarities, my sitch is a bit different. I found out about the EA in October. Confronted him and he's been denying it ever since, even with spyware proof. He still says that they are just friends and that anything I've read has been all one sided and that she is in a happy marriage. I don't think that anyone who has written the things I have read could be in a happy M. My husband has been deceiptful since the summer, before he met up with his "friend", who is the last person he slept with before me while we were in university 18 years ago. Their affair is based on an internet relationship (I hate facebook) where they "found" each other. She has found reasons on at least 3 occasions to visit our town which is about 3 hours (and an international border) from her town. What makes me really mad is that a week after I had asked my H for us to get help (to which he agreed) I found came accross the evidence of the EA/PA-prior to that I had no idea. I brought it up in C and he had every chance to give it up and focus back on our M. The C was obviously not successful and dug us VERY quickly into the hole we find ourselves. His fantasy land is soooooo fantasy that it's laughable but still he refuses to give it up or even to admit that he has been wrong in ANY way about anything he has or is doing. He also blames me for absolutely every problem we had in our M prior to me trying to do somthing about it. I am glad and hopeful for you, DMB but feel quite unsure that he would take an "outing" well at all. As much as I want people to tell me that contacting the OWH is the right thing to do, I still waver and feel as though I have done everything else wrong on this path and desperately don't want to do anything else to ruin the chances. I will ponder what has been written here and on DMB's thread. For now, I must sleep so that my 3 kids have a mother who can function in the morning.

Thank you all for your insight.