Hanging on to what I believe in!

[ba065]

HI guys!

Hey T...thanks for your post...I'll pop over to say hello....
Grace: I'll check into that book...anything that is helpful is appreciated!

Rode bikes with H today...it was in the mid 50s. Went about 24 miles...and alot faster than last weekend....averaging about 17-18 mph except going uphill. I was really holding my own and keeping up with H who has about 6 months of riding on me.

H was off again today....before we even left for the bike ride he said something about me slowing him down and making these bike rides all about me...??? WTF? I've ridden 4 times with him since exactly 1 week ago...and I'm practically killing myself to prove I can keep up....I haven't complained about anything....I haven't begged to stop for a drink or a breath...I just keep going and going....????

Anyway, 12 miles into the ride he ditches me...going a different route that's harder and he wants to ride even faster. So off he goes one way...and I go another...and I was ticked off! Everything was going along pretty good and then I got run off the road by a car. Traffic was pretty heavy and I was on a winding road that really narrows down. There is no bike lane on this road but I was right next to the white line on the right side and this car went by really fast hugging the line...right where the asphalt is washed away and there was this 6 inch drop off to dirt....needless to say, I crashed, couldn't get my feet out of the clips in time....I wasn't hurt, just mad. The car didn't even stop. I called H and he made me wait for him - about 15 minutes. Then we rode the rest of the way together, even stopped for lunch before heading home.

I told him when we bought the bike that I didn't want him to leave me in the dust and here we are a week later and that's exactly what he did do....and I almost got runover in the meantime! And he asked me why I was upset...????Gee I wonder???

Tonight I overheard H on the phone with MOW....he was telling her he loves her...that is so hard to hear! I wish I hadn't heard it.

H layed in bed tonight for about 10 minutes complaining about life....how he hates his dead end job, doesn't care about paying off bills, doesn't care about keeping up the house, doesn't care about finishing school....doesn't care about what kind of job he gets after he's finished! I told him all of those things seem overwhelming together but maybe he should just concentrate on one thing like what kind of job he's interested in pursuing when he finishes school....and maybe he'd be able to start planning the future that way. He says he doesn't even really care...he probably won't be alive to see it anyway.

Talk about unstable! This is just too much...I can't deal with the ups and downs today. I told him to go sleep in his room...I'm tired and don't want to hear anything negative from him today. He wasn't ready to leave, I think he was looking for sympathy...but I'm fresh out right now. I'm thinking about doing that more often...it would be a realy 180 for me. What do you guys think? Do you think that's a good 180? I don't want to appear like I don't care, but I'm tired of him trying to bring me down all the time....I want to be happy...he says he wants me to be happy...but all he's doing is making himself happy.