I have been lurking too. I read your Feb 14th post the day you posted it! I am SO excited to hear that your H got you a new bicycle and that you went bicycling *together*!! That is SO HUGE!! He is including you in a really important activity... so intentionally!!
Man, you guys covered a lot of territory! I love bicycling, I don't have a car and biking is the way I get around. But I know what you mean about getting used to traffic. It took me about a year of sidewalk biking (which only makes the pedestrians mad ) before I worked up the guts to go out into traffic. Just stay aware, you can do it! Could you investigate getting a new seat? I don't know that much about road bike style b/c I have a "hybrid" (mountain bike-ish frame with skinnier tires) but maybe something gel, with a cut out? But lady, you got clips and shoes! You are SO far beyond me in biking style!!
I am really glad to hear about how much time you are spending with your H. Biking together, mexican food together! I'm not sure if it is apparent from within the whirlwind, but from your posts, it sounds like he is doing WAY better than last week. that is so good!!
It sounds like you are doing so well in terms of giving him space, yet being receptive to spending time with him. I know you already know this, but stay focused on the positive changes, and do not let the Cr&p he throws at you make your head spin around too fast.
I hope you had a really good weekend with your kids... it is sad that he sees them as a source of stress, not joy, but maybe that will also change when he gets through his tunnel.
I was thinking about a post from a lil while back, where you were talking about how every waking moment is devoted to all of his different activities. I had a rather subversive thought when I read about everything he was doing. I thought: if this was a DB'er, he'd be getting an a plus in GAL!! Isn't that funny, how we react so differently, to the same behavior, dependent on the context? It's like the activities in and of themselves are actually positive and good. It just feels hurtful because it's all wrapped up in our experience of abandonment. Does that make any sense? But now that is changing already, because he is including you!
Finally... what are you going to do to make his school nights your "me" nights? Can you be really specific?
Sometimes I feel overwhelmed by the dramatic changes I want to make, so I just pick something really small and start with that. For me, it was downloading a new album online and listening to it while I tried a new muffin recipie. but everyone is different!
) before I worked up the guts to go out into traffic. Just stay aware, you can do it! Could you investigate getting a new seat? I don't know that much about road bike style b/c I have a "hybrid" (mountain bike-ish frame with skinnier tires) but maybe something gel, with a cut out? But lady, you got clips and shoes! You are SO far beyond me in biking style!!
