FINALLY... after my last counseling session my C asked me to journal about trying to achieve reconciliation with a friend of mine. I decided to, instead of just journaling, DO SOMETHING about it.
Right after the bomb, this friend was very supportive, encouraging, and insightful. But a couple months ago, when I brought up my latest R-related realizations, she really lashed out at me and told me she couldn't believe why we didn't break up earlier, and that B probably just needed to go have sex with lots of different people, etc. Really hurtful. We hadn't talked since then. It had been at least 2 months, maybe 2 1/2.
So tonight I called her. I told her how I felt, and asked her to tell me how she felt. I tried to practice validating, and not share my analyses, so instead I could focus on what she was actually saying, instead of whether it fit with my pre-established theory. She told me that the phone is really hard for her, with everyone, and that she was really depressed about her own life when we had that conversation, and also that well before she made those remarks, she felt frustrated by phone claustrophobia and wanted to get off.
It was definitely extremely awkward to have an OR talk with a close girlfriend, but I did it, even though I was super scared! At the end, she spontaneously said she would try to reach out more by calling me on the phone. Wow!! I didn't even ask for that. So... practicing reconciliation with other people I love. Hooray!
